Oh the drama

I told Don earlier this week that if I was putting alerts on Sean’s parent’s lives similar to the terror alerts put out by the government they would be a red. They were evicted from their apartment this week. (That is happening at shorter intervals. There was a time they stay put three to four months now it is four to eight weeks.) Ryan’s been out of jail for a month. Ryan hasn’t been drunk for a month and he hasn’t beat Jenny for a month. These are all signs that a drinking binge or beating binge is due. The clincher for red alert is Jenny got a job this week. She started on Wednesday. Whenever she gets a job Ryan has to sabotage it. It literally happens EVERY time. She started working as a server at an assisted living center. It pays $9 and hour and is within walking distance. All Ryan had to do was watch the girls, which he did on Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday Jenny called and was pretty happy wanted to know when she could see Sean before our cruise and was making plans for next week.
Friday I didn’t get a phone call from Jenny. Sometimes that would make me happy but it actually made me nervous. I knew she got off work at 7:30 I texted her, no answer. At 8:00 I called no answer. 10:30 I’m watching TV and my phone rings. I don’t know the number. Usually I wouldn’t answer an unknown number that late but I thought it might be Jenny. It was. She was crying. Ryan had gotten drunk taken $300 from their checking account (she had saved to move on Monday.) I’m sure he would have taken more but there is a daily ATM withdrawal limit. Jenny wasn’t making a lot of sense. She said Ryan had accused her of borrowing money to buy cocaine and sleeping with her brother in law. WHAT? She said it was ok that he beat her but stealing money from the girls was going too far. (This is not the first time he’s taken the rent money and food money for alcohol so I’m not sure why it’s too far.) To make a long story shorter I told her if he came home he was going to beat the crap out of her. I found a safe place she could go and called her and gave her the number. I told her I was going to bed but to call me back if she needed a ride. I haven’t heard from her since. Hopefully, she went to a safe place and is not allowed to call me but I don’t know.
We went and picked up fruit and vegetable baskets today and all morning Sean was stuffing his face with bananas, oranges and carrots. He even ate a cucumber whole like it was a banana. I couldn’t help but watching him gorging on his fruits and vegetables and wonder if his sisters are ok and have food. It is the saga that never ends, it goes on an on my friend. It is such a predictable cycle but Jenny doesn’t see it. She says, “This is it. I’m done. I’m going to leave him. I don’t love him” but then…………..

Evening addendum: He came home and said he's sorry and it won't happen again so everything is ok.

Predictable!

Question: Why when I call the domestic violence shelters they always say they have room but when Jenny calls they are full. Hmm, could it be she is not really interested in change.

"Turn it on"

Sean was holding Penny. She had just had a bath and was laying across his lap being very quiet and still, doing absolutely nothing. Sean looked at Penny, then me and said "turn it on!"

Two Mommies

I was sitting in the front seat of my car and Jenny was in the passenger's seat. Sean was in his car seat in the middle of the back seat. He leaned forward and touched my seat and said one, then he touched Jenny's seat and said two. He smiled touching both seats at the same time and said "TWO MOMMIES!"

It's just a matter of fact to him that he has two mommies. No big deal.

People I am worried about

Last night I kept thinking about Darci, then I’d think about Eduardo, then I’d think about Brie, then Penny, then I’d start all over again.

I decided to share my worrying with everyone out in blog land.

Darci, my sister in law. Darci has stage 4 melanoma and no treatment has been effective. It is very discouraging because not only is the cancer awful but her treatment has been so disorganized, chaotic, muddled. (I’m not sure of which word to choose.) One doctor suggests one thing, another something else. There is a total disconnect. They do test and don’t give her the results in a timely fashion. They tell her she should get a consult and then she has to wait and inordinately long time for the consult. No one seems to feel any sense of urgency. They don’t respect her knowledge or her ideas. She is a microbiologist and one doctor told her to quit looking at things on a cellular level. I can’t remember the exact quote but it made me crazy. I’ve been a nurse for 20 years and I am still amazed at how uncaring our healthcare system is. There are people out there who say we have the best healthcare system in the world. Good grief, obviously they haven’t worked in healthcare or had cancer.

Eduardo. Eduardo is the grandson of Daisy (my exchange student in high school) and son of Rogerio (Rogerio was our exchange student 7 years ago) Eduardo is two years old and has liver cancer. He has had three rounds of chemotherapy and last week he had surgery to remove his largest tumor and three smaller ones. At night when I lay down next to Sean while he’s sleeping and snuggle his head I can’t help but think of Eduardo and his little balding head. It just breaks my heart.

Penny, my 10 day old niece. Penny has Vesicoureteral reflux and beta strep. She is home from the hospital with a PICC line. Ultimately I think Penny will be just fine but it’s one more thing to worry about. She’s been in the hospital and had so many tests and been poked and prodded so much for such a little person.

Brie (Sean’s 3-year-old sister) instead of developing she is regressing. It’s hard to explain but she is just not acting like a normal child anymore. It’s gotten so bad that even her mother is taking note. In addition to not talking age appropriately she slaps herself in the head and screams. She actually walks like a child with mental retardation and she used to walk normal. She has an appointment for some testing on the 15th. I asked her mom if she got her hearing test like the doctor ordered and she said “I lost the phone number.” I don’t know what to do for Brie. DCFS actually called me last week. (Miracle of miracles, them calling me to check on the girls). I think Brie’s behavior is all a defense mechanism to things that are happening to her (or have happened to her) but if it doesn’t get addressed now and she doesn’t get help I fear these behaviors will become permanent. People have offered to help Brie but thus far her parents have not been receptive. I know Jenny doesn’t want to give up another one of her children and I can respect that but poor Brie.

All this worrying and I can't fix a thing!

Between Christmas and the New Year

We went to Illinois and saw Don’s family.

It is cold in Illinois!

We spent a couple of nights at his mom's house then we went to his sister's.

Everytime I see Don and his Dad together I laugh. They look so much alike. His sister Darci's experimental cancer meds quit working so she is deciding what her next step in treatment is. There are a couple of different clinical trial out there. Because they live in such a rural area the logistics of getting treament add to an already complicated situation.

We went to the Chicago museum of science and industry. That had this awesome ginger bread White House.

And a Chicago sky scape.

And big tractors and trains and planes....

Sean's favorite thing was the newly hatched chickens. He could have watched for hours.

While we were gone Stephanie delivered Penelope Jean. Penny spent two nights in the NICU with respiratory problems. Alika and I went to see her in the hospital on the 1st.

She was discharged a couple of hours later and came over for her first family party. 

Sean, Lisa-Jean, Penny, Nate

Nate really likes Penny's eyes. He likes them soooo much he wants to poke them out so he can keep them for his very own. Ah, the affection of a 20-month-old for a new sibling.

On the 2nd Penny got admitted to PCMC for respiratory problems. Hopefully she will be back home soon! She just can't seem to remember to breath.

I took Sean home to see his “other” family yesterday. His mom called several times saying she wanted to see him. She had a dream that Sean didn’t know who she was. She’s feeling pretty good about life because her alcoholic, abusive husband got out of jail on Christmas Eve and he’s going to get a job, quit drinking, quit beating her and turn his life around. They dropped the DV in front of a child charges. This leaves me to wonder, if domestic violence in front of a child is not acknowledged by the court system or DCFS does the child still suffer trauma? Kind of like if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it does it still make a sound? Of course it does. They plead the two aggravated assault felonies down to class A misdemeanors and told him if he does it one more time they are going to be really, really mad! Back to my point. I told Jenny I would drop Sean off at 10. I started calling her at 9:30. It took a couple of calls to wake her up. When I got there we had to wake her up again. She was actually happy to see Sean. His dad was sleeping on the couch. I set Sean on the couch and his dad said “hi” and pulled the blanket over his head. He didn’t even look at him. I wanted to scream…. “You don’t deserve these children!” I left Sean in a dirty house full of cigarette smoke. It was almost an identical situation to when I dropped him off last year on January 2. Fortunately, I didn’t get a 10 pm call last night that dad was drunk and had fallen through a window. Don is picking Sean up at noon. I am grateful that we have legal custody but don’t like that they can have him for overnights. I have to worry that his dad’s going to get drunk and beating someone up…. It’s craziness.