Diaper in the sky

Airfare $1200
Snacks $4.50
Luggage check-in $60

Changing a standing two year olds drippy, poopy diaper in an airplane bathroom while he screams at the top of his lungs and bangs his head against the door and people outside pound on the door and shout are you OK, do you need help?

Priceless.

Yes, I know there is a changing table above the toilet in the airplane bathroom and if I had given birth to a premature baby in flight and changed that two pound baby’s diaper before we landed it might have been small enough to fit on that 10 inch table.

Ginger bread houses 2009

On Saturday night there was the analytical assembly of ginger bread houses by my husband the engineer. All cracker ends had to be inside the sides and they had to be placed vertically.

There were a couple of observers to the process.

Sunday the festivities began. The kids were so cute, during dinner they kept asking, "Can we start now, can we start now?"  and "If there is any candy leftover can we eat it?"

Even some of the big kids participated. Other big kids hid in their room because there were so many little kids. Alex said, "every year there are more kids in this family." Gee, he's right. There is certainly a lot of procreation going on.

Jameson was proud of his creation. Alex was very analytical much like his Uncle Don. He's only four but all his candy was placed in color coordinated rows.   Jameson was more into the layered effect.

Emma unlike her color coordinated, row making twin believed more was better and stuffed her house full of candy..

One of the smarter and more creative parents tried to hide in the kitchen and decorate a house in peace. (why does he leave his house every year? You're supposed to take them home. It's a rule)

But alas, the number of children building exceeded the number of chairs in the dining room and Kyle's secret decorating place became another busy spot.

The smallest "non-decorator" was little Lisa-Jean who was a great observer.

One post ginger bread house party observation. WHY would I clean my house BEFORE the party. That was just silly!

I'm 49 and what's new?

I'm 49 (my neice just informed me I am only 48 because her dad my brother is 49, BONUS) today, one two years away from 50, so what's new?

I always knew I was going to get married, go to college and have babies but never really thought about what I would do “after that.” Well, it’s “after that” and I’m married, finishing another dang blasted Master’s and raising babies. My fellow 50ish friends have all called me crazy, insane, nuts, a lunatic and various other adjectives. All this got me to thinking about why I really don’t mind raising another baby at my “advanced” maternal age. (Though I do sit in front of the hockey rink waiting for David watching the 60ish crowds go in to play racquet ball and swim and realize that when I am 60ish I will still be sitting in my car waiting for a kid to come out of the recreation center.


Why it is easier to raise a baby/toddler when your 40 or 50 then when your 20. Not necessarily in order:

1. Teenage and adult children living in the house who help take care of the toddler.

2. I am not poor

3. I am not living in a 12x60 mobile home

4. The toddler sleeps in a queen size bed, which means when I sleep with toddler I am comfortable.

5. Sippy cups that don’t spill

6. Drop in day care

7. Cool fold down toilet seats for toddlers

8. I don’t sweat the “baby stuff.” Five grown and almost grown kids have given me perspective. I’ve sat in a room and had half a dozen “professionals” tell me my child was mentally retarded and would always need “special help.” I’ve spent countless nights sleeping in hospital rooms with a seriously ill child. I’ve listened to half a dozen gastroenterologist give me their diagnosis of why my son is sick with pancreatitis. (They finally identified a guilty gene). I’ve gone to the police station at 2:00 a.m. on prom night to pick up my handcuffed daughter. I’ve seen a teenager through rehab. I’ve experienced family “intervention” night. I’ve had kids with hair dyed every color of the rainbow. I’ve been to awards ceremonies, basketball games, hockey games, debate tournaments and experienced the juvenile court system. I’d say as a parent I’m pretty well rounded. I know that the normal toddler things aren’t worth stressing over. I know that a baby who cries for hours will eventually quit crying. It doesn’t matter if a toddler insists on wearing the same shirt for two days in a row. (Even if it’s his sisters). Toddlers eventually get potty trained so why push it. Short of life or death, serious illness or injury or the court system it isn’t worth stressing about. (I do have to stress that someday Sean’s parents may try to regain custody! Hence, the court system).

9. I have a really supportive husband.

10. Did I mention not being poor!

Bonus or Gross?

Steph was in pre term labor AGAIN last night (hoping she goes to 35 weeks) so Nate spent the night at our house. I had a busy day planned so I took Nate and Sean to “drop in” daycare. I made a conscious decision to leave Nate’s ever present binkie at home. (He’s like Maggie from the Simpson’s) After daycare I was driving home and looked at the boys in the mirror and there sat Nate with a binkie in his mouth. Hmm, that’s peculiar I thought. I told Stephanie that Nate picked up a bonus binkie at daycare (bummer for the baby with the missing binkie). Steph thought it was gross. I thought that being poor college students they would be happy!


Sean hasn’t taken a binkie since he was three months old but since there were two he felt compelled to give it a try.

World's Largest Orange Display

 Hmm, if it had been the world's largest display of Kit Kat bars Sean might have been impressed. Oranges didn't do it for him. But, hey when something like this comes to town you have to take a picture. Not doing so would be equal to driving past the world's largest ball of yarn without stopping. When we got home I told Sean to tell Grandma what we had seen at the store and he showed her his candy bar and said "we saw candy." Obviously, the oranges made a tremendous impression.

Shortly before our journey to the grocery store for our photo opportunity Sean and I were walking in the snow with our hands in our pockets and Sean fell off the curb face first. I felt really bad and he was really sad. Hence the scraped up face.

Happy Birthday Aric

My little baby boy is 20! How can that be?Aric "AJ" has been a wonderful son. He made it through the teenage years without a hitch! How lucky am I?  Happy birthday son, I love you!

Sean got mail!

Sean got his BCBS insurance card and his passport in the mail today. It was exciting! The first mail he's ever received at our house.

Why are we doing this?

The day after Thanksgiving we put our tree up. Kylie watched in awe and confusion as the big kids put up the tree. We pulled out the boxes of ornaments and I showed the little kids how to hang the ornaments. They thought it was great fun. We had been decorating for about 15 minutes when Kylie looked at me and asked “why are we doing this?” I said, “It’s to celebrate Christmas. On Christmas there will be presents under the tree for you.” Kylie thought for a minute and said, “My momma doesn’t do this.”

This is the kids in 2007 under the tree. Brie wouldn't take her bear out from in front of her face. She has been really shy lately.

One other depressing little note: At Thanksgiving dinner Nate did something and Dan said “Nate was bad.” Kylie said “my dad was really, really bad and he went to jail and I’m really, really mad.”

If the girl’s childhoods don’t get better hopefully they will have some happy memories from my house and know that there is another life that they can choose to live when they grow up. On a positive note Jenny mentioned twice how happy she is that Sean is with us and well taken care of. She also told DCFS that she gave us custody of him when they did a child check last week. It is comforting that she is acknowledging to the state that we have legal custody. I expected DCFS to call and check on Sean but they didn't. I feel really bad for Jenny and her struggles but I feel worse for the girls.

Two years ago today

November 24, 2007 I was working late in labor and delivery. I taught a childbirth class until 9 p.m. and then got “stuck” helping out in labor and delivery. It was busy and we ran out of speculums. Around one in the morning I went down to the ER to reallocate a couple. I was standing in the middle of the ER waiting room trying to remember why I was there. (I’d been working 17 hours, give me a break) The ER doors open and a girl walked in holding a towel over her faces, crying. It took me a minute to realize how I knew her. It was Jennifer. (I didn’t know she went by Jenny). I walked over to her, helped her sit down and asked her what had happened. She said that she and her boyfriend had been drinking and that he had snapped and beat her up. He’d done a pretty good job; she had a foot print bruise to the face and chest.

The first words out of my mouth were, “where are the kids.” I knew she had kids because I had been working in labor and delivery eleven days before when she’d delivered a baby. And I knew she had two little girls because she had taken my C.N.A. class and I had given her rides home and she had talked about them. Granted I didn’t know her kids names and didn’t recall ever meeting the girls. She just kept crying. I told her I had to go back to labor and delivery but would check back with her. I went up to labor and delivery got things settled there and went back to the ER. I asked Jenny if she wanted me to go pick up her kids. She said yes and gave me an address. I asked her the kids name and wrote them on a scrap of paper and put it in my pocket. I called my nephew Peter and asked him to meet me at the address. Peter lived close by the hospital. Being the good sport that he is he didn’t even question why we were going into an apartment building at 2 am to pick up three kids we didn’t know. We picked up the kids from a neighbors apartment where they were lying on a bed with no sheets and none of them had on anything but a diaper. I sent Peter to try and find clothes and a car seat. He found the car seat we had given them at the hospital and one little shirt. It was 27 degrees outside. I found some towels in my car wrapped the kids up and we put them in the car. I stopped at Smiths and left Peter in the car while I bought diapers and formula.

I called Don and told him I was bringing home three babies. His only response was “THREE?” I think if I had said one, he would have just said oh. When I got home Don came out to the car to help me carry the kids in. He had made up a bed at the foot of our bed which included baby blankets and stuffed toys. We laid the girls down. As Don was putting the two year old under a blanket she looked at him and said, “F(*! You.” Don said, did you hear that? I hadn’t but she repeated it. Don and I were both like, wow! By the next day we knew that the F word, s*#! and ca ca were the extent of her vocabulary. In the morning Alika came in our room and the one year old popped her head up. I hadn’t really looked at her the night before but my heck how I could have missed all those curls. Alika looked confused, and said “well hello, who are you.” I reached over to the scrap of my paper with the names on it and said “that must be Brie.”

We took the kids home later that morning and I thought that was weird experience and fully expected it to be over. But alas, Jenny had my phone number. I am still amazed that two years later she is still in our lives, that we have legal custody of Sean and that she had another baby after that who lives with a loving family. When you think of all the series of events that lined up for Sean to come into our lives it is amazing. Jenny took my C.N.A. class. The state paid for her to take my class. Her social worker was someone I dated in college. Why is that significant? Because if she hadn’t had Rich as a case worker he wouldn’t have called me to followed up on a C.N.A. student. Because he knew me and Jenny he knew where I worked and where she was having her baby. He would call periodically and ask if I had seen her or if she had delivered. Because of that I made sure that I visited her when Sean was born, gave her a car seat and clothes etc. I did that for lots of poor mom’s but I actually had a note for my secretary to make sure she let me know when Jenny delivered. If Jenny had a car I would never have met her at class. She would have just been one of many students. Since she didn’t have a car and since she lived in an apartment that was on my way home I gave her rides. During those rides I heard her miserable life story. Still, that wasn’t the connection. If I hadn’t taught a child birth class that night, I wouldn’t have been at the hospital. If it hadn’t been busy I wouldn’t have stayed after the childbirth class. If we hadn’t run out of speculums I wouldn’t have been in the ER. If Ryan hadn’t beaten her she wouldn’t have been in the ER. If that series of events hadn’t occurred Sean wouldn’t be with us and Ryder wouldn’t be with the Jensen’s. It’s like the book Because a little bug went kachoo. It’s surreal. How did this all come to be and why? I am expecting great things from Sean and Ryder.

Here’s to two years ago today.

It happened again

At midnight my phone rang.
Here’s a brief over view of the conversation.
Hysterical Jenny sobbing “it happened again.”
Me, “What happened?”
Jenny “I told his friends to leave and he jumped on me and choked me and broke a lamp over my head and punched me in the face. I can’t believe he did that in front of my kids.”
Me, “Did you call the police?”
Jenny, “They are here.”
Kylie, coughing and crying in the back ground.
Jenny, “That F&^*# why can’t he just punch me places that won’t show. I’m supposed to start a job tomorrow and now my face is all beat up.”
Me, “How about you leave him because you shouldn’t be beat up at all.”
Jenny, “I guess this is my fault, because I had it coming because I don’t leave.”
Me, “You sound like a text book domestic violence victim………………..”
There was another 30 minutes of conversation between us and I briefly spoke with the police officer. There is a restraining order against him seeing Jenny or the kids. (I wonder if that includes Sean)

This is the second time Ryan has been arrested in 7 days. Yes, days! He hasn’t even gone to court for the public intoxication and interfering with a police officer and now he’s back for aggravated assault and domestic violence in front of a child. He was in jail, July, all of Aug, part of September, end of October to beginning of November, then November 11 and now again on the 18th.

When does it end? When Jenny’s dead? When one of the kids is dead?

I told Jenny to go to a shelter. They are full. I told her I’d buy her bus ticket to another state to stay with a brother or sister. She doesn’t want to leave town because….. She is supposed to start a job today. I gave her money for the bus so she can take the girls to the crisis nursery while she goes for orientation. I don’t want to enable because I know it doesn’t help. Money doesn’t fix anything. She’s getting over $800 a month in food stamps, $800 a month in aid to families, and $249 a month that the state is paying her for Ryan’s child support. (WHAT the crap is that??) Plus the state will pay for daycare for the girls while she works. Money doesn’t fix anything with them.

She’s being evicted from the apartment so she is going to have to go somewhere. Where doesn’t really matter because in eight weeks she will be evicted again.

This is all making my head hurt. About 1:30 a.m. after all the phone calls I went in Sean’s room and laid down with him and thanked God that he is here with us. God bless those little girls because they need all the help they can get.

I don’t think she’s going to leave him. I don’t think anything is going to change. In 12 years it will be Kylie with a kid getting beat up by a drunk. The cycle will repeat.

Wordless Wednesday

David - teenager extraordinaire

Alika took this picture of David and Sean tonight after dinner. David was playing on the computer and Sean was singing "ring around the rosy". David took time out of his game to teach Sean that "ring around the rosy" was about the black plague.

I love to watch David with Sean. They are so interactive. Sean thinks David is totally awesome. David likes Sean too (now). For a long time David didn't pay any attention to Sean. Sean was about seven months old and he was sitting in a high chair next to David at the kitchen table. For some reason David looked over at Sean and for the first time actually noticed him. In a shocked voice David said "THAT BABY HAS THREE THUMBS!" That comment put everyone else at the table into fits of laughter. Seven months and how many "three thumbs up" and "hang eleven jokes" had we made and he was just now noticing the extra thumb. Their relationship has greatly improved since that day.

Ever since David was a little boy he has always been a little unaware of his surroundings. Last week I picked David up from hockey and he opened the back of the jeep and was getting ready to throw his hockey stick in and he stopped and asked "is Sean in his car seat?" I was just so impressed that he actually stopped his action and thought about who he was going to hit with the hockey stick. I was so proud of him. I've said it before but it's worth repeating. I am glad that the aliens who stole David when he was 13 returned him. They only kept him for 18 months. David is doing great in school. He's even started tracking his GPA. He's busy with hockey, guitar and skate boarding. He's getting his drivers permit this month too.

Sean's review of Elmo Live

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxzrVcQTG-4
I suggest you watch Sean's review of Elmo Live before you spend the $50.
The good news is I think we got $50 worth of laughs. He wasn't really scared, just disturbed.

Happy Second Birthday Sean

My itty bitty Sean in a bright blue blanket

Alika and Sean on the big slide at Kangaroo Zoo today

The very first time I held Sean he was about 12 hours old. I went into Jenny’s hospital room to do a nurse check. Jenny was sitting on the bed with Sean lying on the blanket between her legs. I asked if I could hold him. I don’t know why I remember holding him because I have held 100’s of babies on the postpartum unit. I asked his name and how her delivery was. I remember looking at him and saying all the usual things, “he’s really cute…” I distinctly recall feeling nothing special. I don’t even recall thinking he was particularly cute. I just remember looking at Jenny and thinking, this woman is not bonding with this baby.

I remember when I did bond with Sean. It was the second time we had him. He was about two weeks old. A couple of days after the domestic violence ER event Jenny called and asked if I would keep Sean for awhile so she and Ryan could talk about “what happened.” I went to their apartment and picked Sean up; he was so tense his little body was stiff. I brought him home and gave him a bath. After the bath I laid on the bed with him, got under the covers and put his naked little body against my chest, he melted into me and I fell in love. When AJ was born he was in the NICU for four days. I was staying at the hospital in a room for moms with hospitalized babies. On his third morning the NICU nurse came in and handed me AJ. I hadn’t been able to hold him yet. I unwrapped him, put him against my chest and he melted into me. The feeling with Sean was exactly the same. I think that night was the first time I asked Don, “Can we keep him?” His answer stayed the same for 22 months, “it’s not up to me.”

I’ve been the nurse to a ton of adopted babies and I've seen the excitement of the adoptive parents but always wondered if they could love an adopted baby as much as a biological baby. I now know for a fact the answer is yes.

Happy Birthday you little loved biscuit. We are glad you are in our family. We sure were'nt expecting you but we're glad you came.

I think this birthday nap picture is cute. If Woody really did have feelings he would be feeling the love. This is not a new Woody, it's 15+ years old, it was AJ's when he was little. Sean loves him even though his "sting is boken and Daddy can't fix it." (Note: the faded blue blanket)

Here's to National Adoption Month

This is the very elite club of Mother's of Brother's. Or as Heather calls them "Brothers from the same Mother." (AJ sometimes calls Sean his brother from another mother.) That's me and Heather. I'm holding my Sean and Ryder. (Heather is Ryder's mom.) Sean and Ryder sure look alike. I guess it is because they are biological brothers. They weren't interested in each other. Unless you can throw rocks, play with cars or jump Sean just doesn't give you the time of day. That Ryder is so darn cute I just had to kiss his chubby cheeks. It's weird to think of Sean and Ryder's relationship. Heather said they will grow up friends who grew in the same tummy. (but both live with a mummy other then the tummy mummy)



Boys found at pond, raised by geese.

Stephanie told me to leave the geese alone because they are mean. I thought perhaps they were misunderstood. I don't know if I would classify them as mean but they sure were persistent. They would take the food out of a baby's hands. One of them bit me when I fed it a cracker. I wonder if in this time of swine flu hysteria I will get bird flu from a goose? Something to ponder. None of the kids had any fear.



This picture of Nate, Holland and Sean is fun. Holland and Nate both walked right into the pond. I guess when your raised by geese that's normal behavior.

Writing anything but my thesis!

My thesis proposal was accepted by my committee yesterday so I should be actively writing. Instead I am having one of those lets think of what else I can do other then my thesis. Appealing options include: clean out the fridge, wash the bathroom rugs.... You get the idea. I will post one blog and then I will get busy. I swear, I will.

Whenever I start a C.N.A. class I have the students play a little ice breaker. They get into groups and identify things they have in common then they each list one "unique" thing about themselves. I always have some whopper stories and think "I should write that down" but I don't. Now I will.

Last months favorite was a woman who had her gallbladder out and for some reason kept her gall stones in a bowl on her desk until her three year old found them and ate them. That is so disgustingly funny.

Last nights favorite was a sad looking little teenager who told us she was conceived in the yard at the Utah state prison when her mother was visiting her father. She said the guards were all amazed that her parents were able to find a spot in the prison yard to to do the deed and not get caught. I don't know what is more troubling about this story, the idea that it happened or the fact that her mother told her it happened.

OK, I'm going to work on my thesis now. Really, I am! Right after I check my Facebook.

November is here!

November is here. October is so yesterday. Don, Sean and I went to the lake today and it was beautiful! Sean loves to throw rocks in the water. There were only two other people on the lake that we could see and they were fishing. I imagine all our rock throwing scared the fish in their direction. We try to be helpful.

It's fun to make root beer but I don't particularly like root beer so I thought, why not try and make some orange soda along with the root beer? Well, the reason why people don't do that is because it doesn't taste good. It was fun to make but not so fun to drink. I bought dry ice the day before we were going to use it and I stored it in a cooler. When I went to get it out the bag was very dry and very empty. Hm, what do you think happened? Did someone steal my dry ice? It just vanished like the wind. Weird things happen at Halloween. It was pretty funny Don ran to the store and bought some more. If you plan to store dry ice over night I suggest you keep it in an air tight, very small container.

Halloween Festivities and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

We've been busy little bees this week. It's funny, when I take Sean and go out with my nieces and their kids I don't feel any older than "the other mothers" and THEN I remember there was a time when I changed "the other mothers" diapers and I feel old! Oh well. Catherine has told me several times she never expected to be raising kids the same age as her Aunt Carol and father. Life is a funny thing.

Steph and I took the kids to Gateway and learned the science of root beer. It was fun. While there a woman came up and said "you're Carol Cramer" and I said "well I was." I could tell she was excited to see me but I didn't recognize her. She kept saying "I'm Becky." Ah ha, she was a little neighbor girl from when we first moved to Centerville before AJ was born. She used to come over and help me with the boys. She was around 8 when I met her. When she turned 12 she used to baby sit. Her mom was a single mom with 5 kids by 5 dads. Becky and her sister Jen were the oldest and very responsible. I asked how everyone was. Now her mom is living at the homeless shelter, Victoria is on meth, Nicholas is living on the street, Christopher is an alcoholic and Jen is doing OK but in an abusive relationship. "Wow, Becky that's really sad." She said "but I'm doing good! I always knew I was going to be just like you and I am. I have three kids and a nice husband and someday I'm going to be a nurse." It was really sweet. I met her kids and they were cute. It was very touching to hear we had a positive influence on her life. We certainly weren't trying, she was just a cute little baby sitter.

And for the are you kidding me? I was talking to Jenny tonight making plans to take the girls trick or treating and she mentioned that Ryan is in jail (AGAIN). "Oh, I thought I'd told you" she said. Gee, I think I would have remembered that. Of course it wasn't his fault. They went to a haunted house and apparently he was drunk and disorderly. The not his fault part is the police computer showed he had an outstanding warrant that he has resolved. I told Jenny if there was an award for standing by her man she would get it. Of course she'd have to share it with all the women I meet at the battered women's shelter.

Garbage Dump of Adolescents

I visited the garbage dump of adolescents today, it was most unsettling. I went to the homeless clinic and had a little extra time before I was needed so I went to the “homeless youth resource center” on State Street to talk to girls about birth control. I had never been there before but I had read about it in the newspaper and had a picture in my mind of what it looked like. It was a pretty clear picture involving a large area with a pool table, computers, television, couches, washers, dryer and some cots. I don’t know where I got this fictional picture, apparently I made it up. Maybe I dreamed it. The actual center is in a dilapidated store front. I had to ask one of the dozen smoking kids standing out front how to get in. The entrance is a little side door next to a parking lot.

The use of the word “center” is a stretch. A more appropriate name would be the “homeless youth room.” It was maybe 650 square feet with a desk for staff, a TV, a couch, a bean bag chair a table and some shelves of food. There was a tiny office for an “employment counselor” and a very small kitchen. The atmosphere was depressing but the kids were heart wrenching. They are throw away kids. I am guessing at least some of them are last week’s foster kids. I was talking to one boy who was friendly but not very bright. It made me so sad because he reminded me of my Carter. It was so obvious this kid was totally clueless and he is on the streets fending for his self. If Carter had been raised in foster care he would be somewhere like that. When Carter was a teenager I took him to a psychiatrist who told me “this is the kind of kid who ends up homeless.” I was so insulted and knew then and there we would make sure Carter had his own place. The chips are stacked so high against these kids who don’t have any parental advocacy. They are the product of our foster care system, drug addicted parents and the children of the thirty year old homeless group sleeping on the river banks. As I was getting in my car I looked at two girls and a boy leaning against the wall looking dirty and lost and I had this visual of Kylie and Brie and Sean standing there in eleven years. It gave me heart palpitations.

I don’t want to downplay the efforts of the staff at the center. They were awesome and it was obvious they care but honestly, that facility is the best the state has to offer for a group of kids that has already been given the shaft. They had a note on the wall “trade your dirty socks for clean before you leave today.” (If anyone wants to do a sock collection project I know where to send them!)

After my depressing and unsuccessful visit to the center I went and did an H1N1 clinic at the “Sanctuary.” The Sanctuary is a shelter for battered women. It is gorgeous. The facility is clean, new, the residents pleasant and the staff great to work with. I sure wish the kids had something like that. I do wonder about the name Sanctuary. I always thought of a sanctuary as something for animals not humans. But, hey as nice as it is they can call it whatever they want.

Two miracles in one day

Sean when we first got him hanging out in the punch bowl.

Sean today sleeping in the cart at Costco. People kept stopping and asking did you bring that body pillow or did you buy it. I bought it! It was the cheapest, most comfortable thing I could find for him to sleep on in Costco. He was tired out from court and gymnastics.

It's been almost two years since Sean came into our lives. Longer if you consider I knew his mother while she was pregnant with him. Today at 8 a.m. Judge Kay in Bountiful second district court signed the order that Sean is legally and permanently ours. The guardianship is permanent unless the parents petition to have him returned. As part of the order to petition the court for his return they would need to be stable "both parents have lived in the same house for more than a year and maintained jobs for a year." In the two years I've known them they have lived in seven different places and have not had a job for more than three weeks. Though Jenny has been working at Burger King for almost two months which is quite remarkable.

As I have spent the last 18 months working on my thesis: Health care bias against the homeless I have done a ton of research on poverty. The one ongoing theme of poverty is that those who are in generational poverty don't get out. The only real chance for escape is through a mentor. Honestly, I have mentored Jenny for two years and nothing has changed. I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. Well, Don says some things have changed, we have Sean, the Jensen's have Ryder and Jenny has an Implanon and won't get pregnant for at least three years. I have had some success in that aspect but none as far as changing their mind set about priorities, cleanliness, or parenting skills. Heck Ryan spent July, August and part of September in jail for domestic violence and ten days after getting out of jail he beat Jenny. I'm just not feeling the BIG change. According to the literature even those with excellent mentors only raise from poverty to middle class about two percent of the time. Ryder and Sean will be my 2%. (I didn't do any research on adoption so taking credit for Ryder and Sean's future success is probably cheating. But what the heck!)

What does guardianship mean to us? It means Sean can be on our health and dental insurance. We can enroll him in school, make medical decisions, take him on trips. More importantly it means I don't have to stay up at night worrying the DCFS is going to take him while he is visiting his parents and not let me have him back. It also means that his parents can't move away and take him with them. It really means more than can I express. It is such a tremendous relief. I really wondered if this day would ever come and it did. YIPPEE! We are very thankful to have a sense of stability in our relationship with Sean. It means I have control over when he visits his family. He still visits regularly as he has a close relationship with his sisters but visits are at agreed upon times.

What does it mean for Sean? It means he can sleep in his own bed, grow up in the same house. Go to gymnastics, swimming, play soccer and do all the normal things middle class kids do. It means he doesn't have to be exposed to domestic violence or visit anyone in jail. It means fruits and vegetables and a table to eat dinner at. It means books and the library and a tremendous vocabulary. (Sean wanted some of my pudding, he didn't ask for a bite he said "I want to share")

What does it mean for Jenny and Ryan? It means that while we are legal guardians they are still his parents. They can see him. We can not leave the state without letting them know where we are going and we can't move out of state. It means he still has the last name Vestal. Jenny has had so many losses in her life that this is way that she can give Sean a good life without having to cut all ties. Jenny has given up custody of two sons already. Damien was taken by the state and she placed Ryder for adoption at birth. I think the thought of totally severing ties with another son is too much for her and this arrangement gives her some power. I'm not sure what it means to Ryan but I am grateful to Ryan because he was the one who was willing to sign over custody. Jenny would have never agreed if Ryan had not been 100% supportive.

I still worry about the girls and Jenny for that matter. She called me Wed night in tears. She was walking home from Burger King and her shoes fell apart on her feet. She didn't have any more shoes to wear to work. Don dropped her off a pair of mine and mom's shoes to wear to work the next day. Can you imagine? Most of us live in a world with closets full of shoes we don't wear. I feel bad but it also says something about decisions. There is money for beer, and pierced ears and fast food but not for shoes. I don't know how they are going to make rent in November, yet they always seem to survive.

Special note of thanks to my niece/attorney Catherine and her husband/attorney Kyle. I don't know if this would have happened without them. I owe them an enormous amount of gratitude. I think to repay them I will go on a Disney cruise with them in 2011!

Second miracle of the day. Don's sister Darci is responding to the treatment for her melanoma. Her latest test showed no new tumors and the tumors she has had shrunk. That is fabulous news.