Trying to remain positive

I'm really trying to maintain a positive attitude about Kylie and Brie's situation and not be judgemental. I can't throw stones when I was not willing to take the girls permanently.... BUT....It's hard not to at least cast some disapproving glances. Jenny said "I knew the girls would end up getting bounced around in the foster care system." I said "well, you were right, I didn't believe you but then again I only believe 25% of what you say." She was right on this one. My anger at Jenny and Ryan aside. The girls looked good today, they smelled good and they were happy. Brie was talking and making eye contact none of the behaviors that she displays when she is stressed. That was positive.

The negative. We went to McDonald's and at one point Kylie asked "How come Tammy not coming back?" I didn't know what to say. Tammy sent the kids to respite care last week when they went to California and then called on Monday and said she wasn't taking them back. The girls didn't get a chance to say goodbye or do any sort of processing. That's got to do bad things to their self esteem. Why does no one want me? Am I bad? Kylie was looking at me waiting for an answer and Jenny was looking down. What to say, what to say??? I said "Kylie Tammy had to go to work and couldn't take care of you anymore." In retrospect that was a stupid answer. Now Kylie's going to think if people go to work they will leave her and when she grows up she will find herself attracted to unemployed losers like her father. They won't leave her except to periodically go to jail. (That of course is all going to happen because of my crappy answer)

 I asked Kylie if she missed Tammy and was sad about not seeing her anymore and she said "no." I don't know if I should take that literally or as a defense mechanism. I know there was stress between Kylie and Tammy. Tammy told me the last time we were together that she was having a really hard time because Kylie was having mega tantrums and breaking Brie's things. She also resented the obvious favoritism that Jenny and Ryan demonstrate for Kylie over Brie. Tammy's other huge complaint was that the case worker would not arrange any of the visits around her schedule and she was worried about losing her job. She was making up to four trips per week for visits, sometimes two separate trips in one day. When she asked to have the visits consolidated the case worker told her that wasn't convenient for Ryan. WHAT, I think something snapped for the foster family when they got that answer. It's not about what's convenient for the foster family or the kids it's the parents who had such bad behavior they lost their kids in the first place that are of interest to the state. For the past month I've put my supervised visit next to Jenny's DCFS visit to save a trip but it was apparently too little too late.

Mega frustration. SO today the case worker asks me if I can move my visit to the afternoon so they can clump three visits together to save the new foster family having to make so many trips. WHAT?????? Now you do that. You couldn't do it when Tammy asked but now it's OK. That makes no sense to me at all. I feel sure there was more to the story then I know but honestly I don't know why they don't automatically clump visits. It just makes sense. Tammy had mentioned to me on Sean's birthday that she was worried about how behind the girls were and that the state wasn't working to get them into any early intervention and she was worried about how hard it was going to be for them when they entered school.

Back to trying to be optimistic. I asked Brie about her new home and she said "it's bee-you-ti-ful." I asked who lived there and she couldn't tell me. There is a dog named Tinkerbell and a brown boy. Hm??? I was in the playroom with the girls and Sean reading a story I had my back to the door when Kylie and Brie jumped up excited. The new foster father was there. I was pleased that the girls were excited to see him. I introduced myself to him and told him who I was and introduced Sean. He said "oh they were talking about a baby and a brother but I didn't understand." They know nothing about the girls history. Heck the case worker hasn't even met the new family!!! Oh wait, I was being positive. The second thing I noticed (after the fact that the girls liked him) was that he was my age. I asked if he had kids and he said he had four grown children and he and his wife had adopted two through the foster care system. (Hence the brown boy)  And have three at home (and a 20 year old who he said needs to move out.) He, he I told him the 20 year old might move out but when she ran out of toilet paper and food she would be back. He said they had adopted the kids two years ago and they were six and eight and had been badly abused and that Kylie was really bringing the little girl out of her shell. They had some kids this summer that had major behavior problems and about destroyed them he said. He called the girls "a piece of cake." I dunno, they've only been there a week and attitudes change but I can hope that it works out. I don't know if this family is interested in long term, the case worker (Clarice, I'm sick of referring to her as THE case worker) says they are but what the heck does Clarice know? She's never met them. The girls are starting Head Start on Monday. Tammy was never able to get the kids in school. This family must be proactive and know how to make the foster care system work. I hope!!!

I'm positive the girls are in a better place then they would be with their parents but discouraged. When I think that Sean could be getting bounced from foster home to foster home it makes me sick to my stomach. Heck, I felt major guilt today because Sean cried when I took him to school and wanted me to take him home but I had to go work. The girls are going to live with strangers.....again. But I would rather they being living with strangers then back with their parents. They are in a better place and I don't even know where they are but they don't smell and they aren't drooling, swearing and talking baby talk so they are much better off then they were.

Poor Kylie and Brie

I just found out that Kylie and Brie have been moved to a new foster home. Initially Jenny said they were going to a respite family for Thanksgiving because the foster family was going out of town but today Jenny told me today it was permanent. I called Tammy but she didn't answer. I'm sure she doesn't want to talk. I just left her a message and told her I am really sorry that it didn't work out and that the state didn't give them more support. I'm sure it was a painful decision for their family. I will meet the new family tomorrow when I go to supervise a visit. I talked to the case worker and she said the "new" family said they are interested in keeping the girls long term. She said "hopefully it won't go that way." What does she mean. I said, "I think they are living together again" and the social worker said she did too. So why is she saying "hopefully it won't go that way?"  What way does she think it should go? Ryan and Jenny should get the girls back. Obviously they haven't changed one bit. Jenny told me this morning that the car wasn't hers it was Ryan's. Oh there's a shocker! She asked if I wanted to go be her support person at her rehab class tomorrow. I declined. I think my anxiety has returned!! Jenny was tearful about the girls and said "this is what happens in foster care." True, Jenny then why did you not do anything to keep them out of foster care. It's her and Ryan's lack of responsibility, laziness and drinking that put them there. Ultimately though it's the girls who suffer.

I called my niece to vent. When Jameson answered the phone he told me he was evil. What the heck. I asked Catherine why he said that. Apparently Kyle bought the boys pellet guns. (Kyle what were you thinking? They'll put someone eye out.) Jameson was upstairs with the nanny and he shot her in the eye. Hm, good thing Catherine's kids aren't in foster care they would have just gotten moved to a new home. Catherine has more anxiety than I do so she wasn't really the best person to vent to so I was forced to blog vent!

Decked out for Christmas.

Alex and Aric put up the tree. Carter went to St George for Thanksgiving. He had a hard time getting there and getting home. His plane was delayed eight hours due to snow both times.

About half the lights on our pre lit tree are out so we had to supplement.

There was a time when the kids used to argue about who got to put the star up now no one cares! This is what happens when the kids grow up.

Sean's got the Christmas spirit. We've been making ornaments. I know the bathroom floor isn't the normal place for craft time but the bedroom is carpeted and we didn't feel like going downstairs. We've made snowflakes, trees and Rudolph ornaments. 

On Saturday we went up to the lake. We were going to play in the snow but it was too cold! Sean really wanted to take the boat out. We went to eat at a barbeque restaurant in Huntsville. It was full of skiers and Sean was saying very loudly, "I want to go to the beach, I want the boat!" How funny is that?

Thankful Thanksgiving

Sean and his friend Luke at pre-school.

A pre-school Thanksgiving feast. This was just one small table. There were more kids. Trust me!

We were helping serve the Thanksgiving feast at the pre-school and Don was overwhelmed by the number of children feasting and the lack of organization on the part of the feast servers. All the kids were sitting patiently waiting while we made their plates one by one. Yes, had I been in charge the plates would have been made and waiting at the tables when they walked in the room. But alas we are the volunteers. While the kids ate we hid in the corner.

On Thanksgiving morning we made puppets.

We decked out Sean's puppet with feathers. Yes, I know he is still wearing his iron man costume. What can I say, he loves that thing. I got my $14 worth! At least he topped it off with a pilgrim hat. Bet you didn't know Iron man had pilgrim ancestry.

Art and Char came for Thanksgiving. We had not seen them for a couple of months. They have been working ALL OVER the country. Alex brought his puppies decked out in matching sweaters.

What am I thankful for?

My family: My husband who is wonderful, my kids, my parents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins, Aunts, Uncles and in-laws. I am very fortunate to have a very large and very great family.

My job (business), my husbands job, my kids jobs, my education, my husbands education. Our home.

I am particularly grateful for my health. I have felt pretty crappy the better part of 2010 and after recovering from my surgery I feel normal again. The health of my family. Alex had a CT scan of his pancreas this month and the doctor said it looked surprisingly good. That was great news. I am thankful for all the health care technology we have to make us feel better!

I am thankful I was raised in a home with parents who loved us and  fed us and clothed us and sent us to school and made sure we had the things that we needed to become productive adults. On that note I am grateful that Sean is in our lives. (I counted him in with the kids but he deserves a special note) I am thankful Kylie and Brie are in a safe loving home.

I am thankful for the comforts we have in our lives, heat, air conditioning, cars, technology. I can't imagine what it was like for families in other decades when they had to communicated via letters that took six months to arrive. We now know what our loved ones are doing in real time. (Sometimes more than we want to know but that' OK too!)

I am thankful for my friends, my co-workers, neighbors and all those who have helped and continue to help my children and family!

She exhausts me

Jenny and her lies wear me out! She's like the joke how do you tell when a politician is lying? Their lips are moving. Pretty much the same with Jenny, almost everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. She briefly had a job at a group home for autistics last month. After about two weeks she texted me and said she got kicked in the eye by a client. I didn't think much about it until I saw it.  I'm talking a bad eye injury, black, purple around the eye and a scleral hematoma.. Kylie told her she looked pretty, "your eyes are two colors and one of them is red like a rabbit." Sean and Brie were scared of her.  Maybe she did, maybe she didn't, I don't know. She says she went to the hospital and they didn't do an x-ray. I find it very hard to believe an ER would not do an x-ray on that significant of an industrial eye injury. Today she told the DCFS worker that she got hit with a football.  I said "really, I thought you got kicked." Anyway, she hasn't been back to work since and that's been two weeks. She said she thinks she has a job at Smiths. Last week she told me she put a deposit down on an apartment in Magna. Pretty good trick when you don't have a job or money. I was wondering how she and Ryan were going to have back to back appointments when they have a no contact order but are sharing a car. Yesterday Jenny called me from Ryan's dad's cell phone, her phone got turned off because she didn't pay her bill. I have an application on my phone that unscrambles blocked calls.

Today she tells me she got a ride to DCFS with Kristen because her "room mate Dale" needed to borrow her car. We were all sitting in front of DCFS in my car waiting for Ryan. Kylie says "where's your car momma?" She says "Dale has it." Then Kylie yells, "look momma, there's your car." You will never guess who steps out. I just said "oh look girls there's your daddy." How stupid are those two? The judge said "you two can't even follow a no contact order, are you stupid?" And still they show up at DCFS visits driving the same car and expect anyone to believe that they aren't having contact. I guess they think everyone else is blind and stupid!

It is so frustrating. It affects the girls too. The foster family is so tired of Jenny and Ryan's crap. They are really questioning why they ever became foster parents. They say they just wanted to help kids and now they are getting jerked around and Jenny and Ryan get all the support from the state and they are at the mercy of their whims. IE, visits are at Jenny and Ryan's convenience and not theirs.

Just one last annoyance while I'm venting. Jenny brought one of Sean's shirts to our DCFS visit that's she's had and put it on him. When we got home and I carried him into the house I was overwhelmed by the smell of cigarette smoke, filth and poverty. It was that damn shirt. It gave me serious anxiety remembering Sean coming home from their house covered in poop and wreaking of that smell. He was asleep but I woke him up trying to get that shirt off him. I just couldn't let him sleep in it.

Yes, they call it the streak

On Saturday Ethan came to play. Ethan has never been overly fond of clothes. Sean on the other hand is very fond of clothes and quite particular about what he wears. Apparently the need to do as his peers trumps Sean's need to wear clothes. I just hope that through out life Sean has peers who influence him for the positive. Sean and Ethan were downstairs playing and then I heard them outside. I went outside to check and found that they had left their shirts in the sandbox and were running around in the cold and very windy yard. I suggested they come inside which they did. They ran upstairs and put on backpacks without shirts, kind of funny and cute. I went back to my room and a few minutes later the house was quiet again and I started to go look for them but heard them screaming and giggling so I sat back down. Five minutes later AJ comes upstairs and tells me I better go check on the boys because they were naked. "How naked?" "Completely naked" he answered. "No diapers?" "Nope." By that time they had run upstairs and I found them in Sean's room, bear butt naked! Ethan is pulling toys out of the toy box and Sean is jumping on the bed. OK, now it's really funny and very cute. I ask "where are your clothes?" They both say "outside!" and then collapse into fits of giggling. At this point Don comes in and says "I'll get the camera." I told the boys to get dressed and they reached for their backpacks. We finally compromised and they put on underwear with backpacks. (I compromised on their nudity for the picture as well.) Mind you neither of them are potty trained. I left for work. Don reported they played another four hours and apparently peed all over the house. (This is why I don't have a dog!)

Alika's kitchen cuts

 I asked Sean if he wanted to go for a haircut and he yelled yes and ran down the stairs. When he got to the bottom he looked up and asked "where's Alika?" I said she's not here, we are going to go to Walmart and get a haircut. "I DON'T WANT A HAIRCUT!" he said. Oh well. I told Alika she had been requested and she opened her kitchen salon for Sean and her dad. He was worried that the wind would blow his haircut away.

Alika's nose looks good. It's still a little swollen but she's feeling pretty good and is going back to work.

The wild goose chase

 Sean didn't feel like going to school today so we went to feed the geese instead. Low and behold despite emails, direct conversations and messages our favorite goose still has fishing line tied around his leg. We took bread, chips and crackers. Sean was putting chips in his mouth and trying to feed the goose. The goose was willing to try but I decided that probably wasn't the best idea. I could picture the ER visit, nose laceration secondary to goose bite! It was funny though the goose would hiss and then go for the chip.

While Sean was playing I called animal control again. The dispatcher told me she didn't think that wildlife would do anything but she would call and give them my name. Low and behold two hours later the guy from wild life called me. He told me he had gotten a call about the same goose last week. (hmm, I wonder who that was from.) He asked how close I was able to get to the goose. I told him close enough to feed it crackers out of our hands. He said he had gone out last week and couldn't get within 25 feet and that it turned into a wild goose chase. Clever animal control guy! I told him he must have scared it and asked if he brought popcorn or chips and he just laughed. He said he would go back again this afternoon. I told him to call me if he needed help and Sean and I would come out! I guess next time we go feed the ducks I will take a blanket and a pair of clippers and if it still has the line I will try and get it off myself. I'm just worried his leg will fall off. Eek, look how tight that line is. He couldn't get within 25 feet. Please, I was worried the goose would take Sean's nose off! When I took the picture of his foot I could have stepped on the end of the fishing line.

Now that he's three

Ever since he was just a little kid Sean has wanted to play hockey. Now that he's a mature three-year old he started ice skating lessons. You have to be three to start and he is actually three years and two days so we were a little slow getting him started ;)

Sean really had fun his first lesson. Note he brought his hockey stick with him. He was ready to play! When I told him he was going skating he was very concerned because he doesn't have skates! We got there early and he was thrilled with his "big skates." He went out on the ice with confidence. There were lots of classes going on simultaneously and Sean couldn't quit watching all the other kids. He was so excited because there were people in the stands watching him. Sean told me he was going to skate forward and backwards and he might fall down and hit his head. He did fall down but he landed on his bum. Lesson number two is Wed. Now he has to practice skating so he will be ready for the team when he is five.

My Biscuit is three

Sean's birthday was Saturday but we started celebrating on Friday. Thursday night we went and got Spider man cupcakes, napkins, stickers and ice cream for Sean to take to pre-school. Friday morning Sean held the cupcakes while sitting in his car seat. He reminded me to drive slow and not make any big bumps. When we got to school he slowllllyyy carried his cupcakes up the stairs to his class. As soon as the kids saw him they started singing happy birthday. The utter joy on his face was priceless. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the life he would have had but I couldn't help it at that moment and I actually started to cry. Something so simple as the pride of sharing cupcakes with his friends is something he would have not had. Believe it or not I did not have my camera but that's OK I captured that memory in my heart!

It is so much fun to turn three. On Saturday we met up with the girls, their foster mom Tammi and their foster brother Marc at Jungle Jim's.



More cupcakes and some really mediocre pizza. What more could a three year old want. Sean loved playing with his sisters. He went on one ride before they got there and we had to have it stopped because he was scared. Once his sisters got there he was all sorts of brave.

This picture of Kylie kind of freaked me out. I looked at it and felt like I didn't know her. I didn't feel like that when I was with her but in the picture she looks so grown up that I almost can't recognize her. Don hadn't seen her in months and couldn't believe how grown up she was.



And last but not least the cake for home! I did a pretty lame job of decorating it with Toy Story sugar stickers from Walmart. Funny thing I came downstairs and found that Sean had "redecorated" the cake with some airplanes and it looked much better. That's what I get for not asking him what kind of cake he wanted.



This is Sean's pre-school picture. He looks so grown up!

And here is Sean, his teachers and all his friends.

I am sure happy we have this little guy in our lives. We didn't plan on having a pre-schooler at this point in our lives but I think we would be bored without him.

Goal!

David scores, the winning point and only point of the game. He is number 20! Way to go David.

Grandma's new stairlift

Grandma felt better when she was in N.C. and didn't have to manage stairs so she decided she wanted to be done with the stairs here too! The answer, a stair lift.

Poor Alika's sinuses

Alika has had sinus problems since she was a little girl. She had sinus surgery when she was about 16 and had her adenoids and tonsils removed. For the past couple of months she has had recurrent sinus infections and her CT scan showed that a sinoid cyst found a couple of years ago was growing. Dr. Hill decided it was time to remove the cyst. This morning Alika had surgery. They discovered the sinoid cyst wasn't really a cyst it was scar tissue that had formed a pocket for snot/mucus to accumulate and fester causing chronic sinus infections. She also had a deviated septum which he corrected while he was in the neighborhood and he removed some bone on both sides of her nasal cavity to make her air flow easier. Hopefully, she will be cured of her chronic sinus problems. I'm not kidding when I say she has been full of snot since she was little. She was the saddest little girl always sniffing and blowing her nose. She'd cry because she couldn't breath and then when she cried she really couldn't breath. It was pitiful! Her room was always full of tissues overflowing out of the garbage can, behind her bed. She hasn't been that pitiful for a long time but her sinus problems haven't improved. She wasn't in much pain when she woke up but she was throwing up and miserable. She is better then this evening

My kids and their friends

One of the things I’ve always enjoyed about raising kids is their friends. My boys have life long friends. Now I will admit there have been friends over the years that I haven’t been fond of but they have been few and far between and didn’t “last.” Many of the friends are extensions of our family. I am totally comfortable “yelling” at them and treat them the same as my own kids. Now these friends are grown and some have kids of their own. I still get “ask a nurse” calls from them.


What got me thinking about all these kids? One of Aric’s friends, Andrew is getting married in February and Aric is going to be best man and I just have to post the first picture I have of Aric and Andrew together. You could say they go way back.



This is a picture of Aric and his friends playing poke man cards. Andrew is the red head. Skyler who used to sit in a baby carrier next to Aric at the swimming pool is in the picture. Skyler is in the marines now and still part of our lives. Adam is on a mission and still one of Aric’s best friends.

The other thing that started me thinking about these relationships is Sean. We were at Wal-Mart on Saturday and a little boy Parker, yelled “look there’s Sean!” Sean was so excited, “that’s my friend Parker.” Because I volunteer at the pre-school I know all of Sean’s friends…. And so it begins again. (And let’s not forget Sean’s next door neighbor best friend Ethan.) That’s how Andrew and Skyler started out as friends. We all lived in the same condominiums. Though we’ve all moved over the years their friendships have remained.

Sean and Ethan on the trampoline