Visit at the farm

Lanette agreed to let Jenny and Ryan see the girls and asked if I would join them. I agreed. Ryan's been calling so I figured it would be less stressful if we did a visit with the girls. That way Sean could play with his sisters and visiting with Jenny and Ryan would be less stressful. Lanette had said the ground rules, they weren't allowed to bring anyone else to the visit and they weren't allowed to make promises or discuss the past.

It wasn't stressful for Sean but it bugged me. We met at Wheeler Farm. Jenny was there on time but Ryan in typical Ryan fashion showed up 30 minutes late. He hadn't seen the girls in a year and he showed up 30 minutes late. The tension between us was pretty thick. He was upset that I hadn't returned his calls or text. He complained to Lanette that I hadn't responded to his text.  He told Sean "I have a new jeep and it's cooler than Carol's." Seriously.

When we were driving home Sean said "I want to see Ryan, he said he could come play Mario with me." I was seriously bugged that Ryan was making promises to Sean. Sean was asking lots of questions. "Why don't Kylie and Brie live with them?" I stuck with my routine response "they made poor choices." He then wanted to know what the choices were. I kept trying to change the subject and but Sean wasn't having it. I don't want to create animosity between me and Sean. I know that when Sean is older he can make his own choices about the kind of relationship he has with them. I don't want Sean exposed to their lifestyle. Honestly though they haven't changed and are still making the same decisions that cost them the right to keep their kids in the first place.

When Sean asked why I didn't want to call Ryan and invite him over I told him because Ryan doesn't always show up when he says he is going to and that makes you sad. He said he didn't care if he didn't show up. He didn't talk for a little while and then he said "I don't care if I play with Ryan I just want to play with Kylie and Brie." I told him he would always work hard to make sure he can spend time with his sisters.

I don't know if the entire incident was positive or negative for Sean.  It was on the negative for me. All the literature says open adoption is best for the child but how open is open. By definition open just means there is shared information it doesn't mean you have to talk to each other and see each other. I have posted pictures on the face book page that Lanette and I set up but I know that the minute I post pictures they will call or text and if I answer a call or text then they will ask for a visit. If I give a visit then they want to schedule another visit. Visits they may or may not show up for.

I still look at Sean and am in awe of the child he is as opposed to the child he would be if he was raised in the neglectful, abusive family he was born into. He is so happy and so smart. Don was playing a game with him the other night and one of the cards said "say your favorite word five times." Sean's favorite words were "I love you." That coming from the little boy whose sister's first words were swear words.

Bring on the tractor.

Kylie and her big sister, Demi.