Two miracles in one day

Sean when we first got him hanging out in the punch bowl.

Sean today sleeping in the cart at Costco. People kept stopping and asking did you bring that body pillow or did you buy it. I bought it! It was the cheapest, most comfortable thing I could find for him to sleep on in Costco. He was tired out from court and gymnastics.

It's been almost two years since Sean came into our lives. Longer if you consider I knew his mother while she was pregnant with him. Today at 8 a.m. Judge Kay in Bountiful second district court signed the order that Sean is legally and permanently ours. The guardianship is permanent unless the parents petition to have him returned. As part of the order to petition the court for his return they would need to be stable "both parents have lived in the same house for more than a year and maintained jobs for a year." In the two years I've known them they have lived in seven different places and have not had a job for more than three weeks. Though Jenny has been working at Burger King for almost two months which is quite remarkable.

As I have spent the last 18 months working on my thesis: Health care bias against the homeless I have done a ton of research on poverty. The one ongoing theme of poverty is that those who are in generational poverty don't get out. The only real chance for escape is through a mentor. Honestly, I have mentored Jenny for two years and nothing has changed. I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. Well, Don says some things have changed, we have Sean, the Jensen's have Ryder and Jenny has an Implanon and won't get pregnant for at least three years. I have had some success in that aspect but none as far as changing their mind set about priorities, cleanliness, or parenting skills. Heck Ryan spent July, August and part of September in jail for domestic violence and ten days after getting out of jail he beat Jenny. I'm just not feeling the BIG change. According to the literature even those with excellent mentors only raise from poverty to middle class about two percent of the time. Ryder and Sean will be my 2%. (I didn't do any research on adoption so taking credit for Ryder and Sean's future success is probably cheating. But what the heck!)

What does guardianship mean to us? It means Sean can be on our health and dental insurance. We can enroll him in school, make medical decisions, take him on trips. More importantly it means I don't have to stay up at night worrying the DCFS is going to take him while he is visiting his parents and not let me have him back. It also means that his parents can't move away and take him with them. It really means more than can I express. It is such a tremendous relief. I really wondered if this day would ever come and it did. YIPPEE! We are very thankful to have a sense of stability in our relationship with Sean. It means I have control over when he visits his family. He still visits regularly as he has a close relationship with his sisters but visits are at agreed upon times.

What does it mean for Sean? It means he can sleep in his own bed, grow up in the same house. Go to gymnastics, swimming, play soccer and do all the normal things middle class kids do. It means he doesn't have to be exposed to domestic violence or visit anyone in jail. It means fruits and vegetables and a table to eat dinner at. It means books and the library and a tremendous vocabulary. (Sean wanted some of my pudding, he didn't ask for a bite he said "I want to share")

What does it mean for Jenny and Ryan? It means that while we are legal guardians they are still his parents. They can see him. We can not leave the state without letting them know where we are going and we can't move out of state. It means he still has the last name Vestal. Jenny has had so many losses in her life that this is way that she can give Sean a good life without having to cut all ties. Jenny has given up custody of two sons already. Damien was taken by the state and she placed Ryder for adoption at birth. I think the thought of totally severing ties with another son is too much for her and this arrangement gives her some power. I'm not sure what it means to Ryan but I am grateful to Ryan because he was the one who was willing to sign over custody. Jenny would have never agreed if Ryan had not been 100% supportive.

I still worry about the girls and Jenny for that matter. She called me Wed night in tears. She was walking home from Burger King and her shoes fell apart on her feet. She didn't have any more shoes to wear to work. Don dropped her off a pair of mine and mom's shoes to wear to work the next day. Can you imagine? Most of us live in a world with closets full of shoes we don't wear. I feel bad but it also says something about decisions. There is money for beer, and pierced ears and fast food but not for shoes. I don't know how they are going to make rent in November, yet they always seem to survive.

Special note of thanks to my niece/attorney Catherine and her husband/attorney Kyle. I don't know if this would have happened without them. I owe them an enormous amount of gratitude. I think to repay them I will go on a Disney cruise with them in 2011!

Second miracle of the day. Don's sister Darci is responding to the treatment for her melanoma. Her latest test showed no new tumors and the tumors she has had shrunk. That is fabulous news.