Carpe Diem

My niece posted a funny story on facebook. The writer was annoyed because every time she takes her three naughty children to the grocery store an older woman will stop and tell her how cute her kids are and to enjoy every minute because they grow up fast. The writer was bothered because it is impossible to enjoy every moment and feels like stranger should say something to the effect "good job, carry on warrior only six hours until bedtime". I had mixed feelings about this article because when my kids were little I definitely did not enjoy every minute, I was way to stressed. But now as the "older" woman I look at young moms and pregnant moms and have those exact thoughts. Enjoy it because it passes so quickly.

At 4 a.m. today Sean started barfing. It was his six o'clock happy meal from McDonald's but it looked more like two or three happy meals. I took all the sheets and stuff off, got him cleaned up and was taking the laundry downstairs and I actually thought, Carpe Diem. That made me laugh. What I was seizing was how grateful I was to have him barfing at home where I could take all the gross laundry downstairs and put it straight into the wash and change his clothes. We've had barf experiences in hotels and ER's where we didn't have that luxury so I couldn't help but think it could be a lot worse. Now that isn't exactly treasuring every moment but it's looking at the bright side. Sean was wide awake after being sick and couldn't sleep without his blue blanket because all the other blankets are "stupid". At that point I was grateful for Sprout TV being on at 4 a.m.

About 7 David started slamming doors and stomping up stairs because he was mad that Alika parked behind him. Sean was finally asleep and I wanted to get up and smack David but thought, he is 17 and will move out soon so I should try to enjoy this time. When I went downstairs and found the soda he had spilled all over my newly mopped floor and not even attempted to clean up I reminded myself how grateful I am for my Shark steam mop. Carpe Diem!

Mom is doing pretty good after her surgery. She is coming upstairs for her meals. Still not walking around just going from stair lift to wheelchair to dinner table then back to stair lift to walker to computer or bed. She had her follow up appointment with the surgeon yesterday. Don and I took her up the wheel chair ramp. It's like a mini hospital here with all the equipment and Sean's oxygen concentrator. Looking at Grandma's wheelchair and wrap around walker in the dining room made me think about Sean's swing and portable crib that used to sit in the same place. All the equipment for periods of our lives. When I get frustrated with mom I remind myself that she is getting frailer and frailer and will not be around forever so I need to enjoy the times that I can. She's pretty funny, she is getting really confused and talks incessantly about politics and people I don't know. Sometimes it's pretty darn funny. She told Brad the extreme Republican that research shows people who watch Fox news are stupid. That was pretty funny. The lortab made her really dingy. She isn't taking it now.

Not a great picture. I told her to pretend she felt good.

While we were in Costa Rica and I was hiking up the mountain I was not enjoying myself and thought about quitting and going back down. About that time Nattie found a red dart frog and we were looking at it. I looked around and the rain forest and was just overwhelmed with how beautiful it is. I remembered a conversation with Don's little sister Darci  when she was sick about how she wanted to go to a rain forest in Washington State. She never got to. I thought how much she would love to be doing what I was doing but she can't because she is not alive and I was overwhelmed with gratitude for being alive and having the opportunity to be doing such wonderful things so I dragged by butt up the mountain. There were several times in Costa Rica that I was just amazed to be doing the things I and seeing things and it was so much fun to share that time with Don, Sean, AJ, Steph and her family.

Something I really have a hard time in finding any way to enjoy is Jenny and Ryan. I just have a difficult time with them and want them to just go away from our lives and leave us alone with Sean and leave the girls alone in their new family but they don't and maybe they won't. My mother in law is always saying nothing last forever. Dealing with them is the price we pay for the joy of having Sean in our lives and I wouldn't want to not have Sean in our lives. I third party supervised a visit for Jenny on Wed. The day before Ryan texted me and said he was seeing the girls at DCFS on Wed and could I bring Sean so he could see him. That just infuriated me. I do something nice for Jenny and she tells Ryan and then Sean has to see him. Ugh. I could barely even look at Ryan he just irritates me that much. His hands were shaking like he's on meth and he is just such a lazy useless human being. We were riding down in the elevator with the kids and Clarice and a lady said "what beautiful children" Ryan said "thank you." I just wanted to slap him. Nothing you did made these children beautiful Ryan. Yes, you slept with their mother and gave them your DNA but you never took care of them or supported them or taught them. You just neglected, abused and used them. I just have such contempt for him. I get irritated with Jenny but can usually enjoy being around her even though I know she's lying to me but Ryan I just can't tolerate. I am not even sure why. Ryan was the one that signed over custody of Sean to us. If left to Jenny I don't know that would have happened. I need to find some way to feel some compassion for him. He is such a train wreck and a loser but he doesn't interfere with Sean's life. This was the first time I'd seen him in nine months so why was it so hard for me? I don't know.   Carpe Diem some how. Ryan really doesn't ask for much from us. Jenny is really the one who has used the kids the most she is the one who is always calling, texting and wanting me to do things for her.
To summarize my rambling. While you can't enjoy every minute I am really trying to make the best of situations and look at the bright side. There are enough really rotten things in life that you can't change or control or find a way to enjoy that I really shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Yesterday while Don was trying to find the remote for the Wii he found Woody's long last hat. That was an exciting moment for Sean:)



Don sent me this picture on my phone at work this week. Sean and Ethan having some good, clean fun. Sean's got a brown back and white bum from Costa Rica. I guess Ethan's is from running around outside in the winter with no shirt on.