Spring is in the air

They had kite day at school so I got two kites from the dollar store and joined them for recess. I know they were cheap kites being from the dollar store but it would have been nice if they has lasted 20 minutes. I had to take them inside and tape them up. The kids had fun anyway. There was also a serious lack of wind. All and all not a great day to fly kites. I love how happy Sean is when I come to school. One day this week I surprised him by bringing him Subway at lunch and he was so excited.

St Patrick's day. Sean wanted a green snack so he had green ice cream, green milk, pickles and spinach. He ate everything but the spinach.

A school assembly on St Patrick's day

Sean wanted a butterfly net. We bought a couple and then Don and Sean went up in the mountains to catch butterfly. They caught two. When they got home Sean let them go. This made the butterflies very happy.

The past couple of days Sean had been complaining that his head itched. He complained so much that he actually got up in the night and had me wash his hair. I got out a flashlight and checked for lice and nits but didn't find any. The school nurse in me immediately assumes and itchy head means lice.  The next day he was still complaining so I buzzed his head and then used conditioner in case his scalp was dry. Not sure what's up with all the itching. That kid of mine has a lot of hair so it was time for a spring cut anyway.

On another note. Jennie had the baby. His name is Jack. I've seen pictures and he is very cute. He looks like a little Sean. It hurts my heart to look at that baby and know the life he is going to have. I keep hoping they've changed but no one is working and I don't see how anything is different. That baby is going to be in a house full of smoke, screaming, swearing, no one is going to read to him. When they are drunk they will just put him in a crib and shut the door. No matter how much he cries no one will feed him, change him or comfort him. His first words will be swear words. He will be dirty and smelly and behind in school. 

It's been hard because Jennie has been texting, messaging and calling wanting me to bring Sean to see the baby. She has been absolutely burning Lanette's phone up wanting her to bring the girls over.  It's a hard thing because there is no reasonable compromise. You can't have Jennie half way in your life, once she's in she consumes. It's not like I am going to drop Sean off at their house and let him spend time with the baby and I'm not having them bring the baby to my house because then they start asking for diapers, formula, food, money, babysitting and the cycle starts over. The hysterical calls in the middle of the night, "Ryan beat me up" and the phone calls from the jail and I can't go there. I won't go there. My heart breaks for this beautiful little baby who is Sean's brother but having Jennie and Ryan in Sean's life would not be a positive thing for him.I'm sure they will find someone else to give them tylenol and food and watch the baby while they are out binge drinking. 

 Lanette finally had enough and sent Jennie a text;

"Here is the message that I just sent to Jenny she will not stop calling texting and messaging see below…I have been debating on how to handle this but the girls are having all kinds of problems dealing with this baby. I thought they were excited and they tried to act that way but then things went crazy and they started crying and couldn't sleep. They thought we were taking the baby, but when they realized that wasn't happening and he was staying with you, they have been really worried about him. They are very afraid that bad things are going to happen. Its bringing out all kinds of bad and scary memories and now they are back in therapy. I stopped talking about the baby and I haven't even told them he was born. So for now and I don't know for how long we are not going to be bringing this into their lives. He is dang cute but unfortunately due to the past history, its too traumatic to deal with this situation right now. To be honest I am worried for his welfare too, the odds are not in his favor. So please, take good care of him, don't repeat the past and somewhere down the road we may be able to deal with this situation. We will be working through things in therapy and just take it day by day."

Lanette is the kindest human being so this letter took a lot for her to write. The girls have been having a hard time lately. They are really worried about this baby.Sean has very few memories of Jennie and Ryan but he expressed concern regarding the baby when Kylie told him Jennie was pregnant. Since that day in the car Sean's never brought it up again. I don't know if he's forgotten or he just doesn't want to talk about it.

After Lanette sent the message Jennie sent her a message saying she never did anything wrong and "if it wasn't for Carol I'd still have my kids." I thought about that comment for a long time. Perhaps she is correct maybe if it wasn't for me she'd still have her kids. I'm guessing she wouldn't as she hadn't met me when she lost the first one. I did tell Sabrina about the slap marks on Brie and I did take the kids to DCFS when they called. I also advocated like crazy for the kids when they were in DCFS but I didn't make Ryan leave a kid alone in a house full of alcohol and drugs and I didn't make them break every reunification plan that DCFS made and I sure as heck didn't make Jennie get arrested and show up in handcuffs at the termination hearing. They were in jail half a dozen times while the kids were in state custody. I suppose if blaming me makes her feel better then she can go ahead and blame me. I think her view of reality is so skewed that she really believes she was a good mother and that the world is just out to get her. There is no reasoning with delusions.

I keep wondering who leaves a newborn with a stranger for weeks at a time. That's what they did with Sean. They left him for weeks at a time and would have me drop him off at their house for a day or a couple of hours. Sean's 7 and I still have anxiety when he's away from home. He went to the mall with Jacob and Susan last week and I worried the entire time. At one point when Sean was about six months old I left town for a cruise and then I went to the beach with Lucinda and while I was gone they left him with Stephanie. Those kids were always used as a means to get stuff: food, housing, welfare, toys, clothes. They sold the food stamps to buy crack for Ryan and let the kids go hungry. It was never about the kids or doing what was right for them it was about holding them up and saying "look at these adorable children now give us stuff." I think Jennie just picked the wrong person to play that game with when she picked me. She held those kids up and said. "look at my cute hungry kids give me stuff." And all I was kids who are exposed to drugs, smoke and violence, kids who were filthy and left home alone and I really looked at those kids and I protected them and I would do it again. I don't know how Kylie, Brie and Sean will feel about their history when they are adults but I hope they are happy with the homes they were raised in and the opportunities they were given. I've told Jennie over and over to become they type of person who her kids will want to have a relationship with when they are adults but nothing has changed. I worry that as soon as the kids are teenagers she will be asking them for money and taking advantage of them once again.

I know Sean would not be the person he is today if he stayed with them. He is confident, popular, an excellent student. Phoebe said he writes in Chinese as well as the 5th graders. (I think Phoebe gets credit for that). I don't know who he would be if he had stayed with Jennie and Ryan but I'm guessing he would be a sad angry boy. The only positive would be he'd be with Kylie and Brie and they would have watched out for each other. Just like when Kylie would hide Brie in the closet when her parents were beating the crap out of each other.