Sean got mail!

Sean got his BCBS insurance card and his passport in the mail today. It was exciting! The first mail he's ever received at our house.

Why are we doing this?

The day after Thanksgiving we put our tree up. Kylie watched in awe and confusion as the big kids put up the tree. We pulled out the boxes of ornaments and I showed the little kids how to hang the ornaments. They thought it was great fun. We had been decorating for about 15 minutes when Kylie looked at me and asked “why are we doing this?” I said, “It’s to celebrate Christmas. On Christmas there will be presents under the tree for you.” Kylie thought for a minute and said, “My momma doesn’t do this.”

This is the kids in 2007 under the tree. Brie wouldn't take her bear out from in front of her face. She has been really shy lately.

One other depressing little note: At Thanksgiving dinner Nate did something and Dan said “Nate was bad.” Kylie said “my dad was really, really bad and he went to jail and I’m really, really mad.”

If the girl’s childhoods don’t get better hopefully they will have some happy memories from my house and know that there is another life that they can choose to live when they grow up. On a positive note Jenny mentioned twice how happy she is that Sean is with us and well taken care of. She also told DCFS that she gave us custody of him when they did a child check last week. It is comforting that she is acknowledging to the state that we have legal custody. I expected DCFS to call and check on Sean but they didn't. I feel really bad for Jenny and her struggles but I feel worse for the girls.

Two years ago today

November 24, 2007 I was working late in labor and delivery. I taught a childbirth class until 9 p.m. and then got “stuck” helping out in labor and delivery. It was busy and we ran out of speculums. Around one in the morning I went down to the ER to reallocate a couple. I was standing in the middle of the ER waiting room trying to remember why I was there. (I’d been working 17 hours, give me a break) The ER doors open and a girl walked in holding a towel over her faces, crying. It took me a minute to realize how I knew her. It was Jennifer. (I didn’t know she went by Jenny). I walked over to her, helped her sit down and asked her what had happened. She said that she and her boyfriend had been drinking and that he had snapped and beat her up. He’d done a pretty good job; she had a foot print bruise to the face and chest.

The first words out of my mouth were, “where are the kids.” I knew she had kids because I had been working in labor and delivery eleven days before when she’d delivered a baby. And I knew she had two little girls because she had taken my C.N.A. class and I had given her rides home and she had talked about them. Granted I didn’t know her kids names and didn’t recall ever meeting the girls. She just kept crying. I told her I had to go back to labor and delivery but would check back with her. I went up to labor and delivery got things settled there and went back to the ER. I asked Jenny if she wanted me to go pick up her kids. She said yes and gave me an address. I asked her the kids name and wrote them on a scrap of paper and put it in my pocket. I called my nephew Peter and asked him to meet me at the address. Peter lived close by the hospital. Being the good sport that he is he didn’t even question why we were going into an apartment building at 2 am to pick up three kids we didn’t know. We picked up the kids from a neighbors apartment where they were lying on a bed with no sheets and none of them had on anything but a diaper. I sent Peter to try and find clothes and a car seat. He found the car seat we had given them at the hospital and one little shirt. It was 27 degrees outside. I found some towels in my car wrapped the kids up and we put them in the car. I stopped at Smiths and left Peter in the car while I bought diapers and formula.

I called Don and told him I was bringing home three babies. His only response was “THREE?” I think if I had said one, he would have just said oh. When I got home Don came out to the car to help me carry the kids in. He had made up a bed at the foot of our bed which included baby blankets and stuffed toys. We laid the girls down. As Don was putting the two year old under a blanket she looked at him and said, “F(*! You.” Don said, did you hear that? I hadn’t but she repeated it. Don and I were both like, wow! By the next day we knew that the F word, s*#! and ca ca were the extent of her vocabulary. In the morning Alika came in our room and the one year old popped her head up. I hadn’t really looked at her the night before but my heck how I could have missed all those curls. Alika looked confused, and said “well hello, who are you.” I reached over to the scrap of my paper with the names on it and said “that must be Brie.”

We took the kids home later that morning and I thought that was weird experience and fully expected it to be over. But alas, Jenny had my phone number. I am still amazed that two years later she is still in our lives, that we have legal custody of Sean and that she had another baby after that who lives with a loving family. When you think of all the series of events that lined up for Sean to come into our lives it is amazing. Jenny took my C.N.A. class. The state paid for her to take my class. Her social worker was someone I dated in college. Why is that significant? Because if she hadn’t had Rich as a case worker he wouldn’t have called me to followed up on a C.N.A. student. Because he knew me and Jenny he knew where I worked and where she was having her baby. He would call periodically and ask if I had seen her or if she had delivered. Because of that I made sure that I visited her when Sean was born, gave her a car seat and clothes etc. I did that for lots of poor mom’s but I actually had a note for my secretary to make sure she let me know when Jenny delivered. If Jenny had a car I would never have met her at class. She would have just been one of many students. Since she didn’t have a car and since she lived in an apartment that was on my way home I gave her rides. During those rides I heard her miserable life story. Still, that wasn’t the connection. If I hadn’t taught a child birth class that night, I wouldn’t have been at the hospital. If it hadn’t been busy I wouldn’t have stayed after the childbirth class. If we hadn’t run out of speculums I wouldn’t have been in the ER. If Ryan hadn’t beaten her she wouldn’t have been in the ER. If that series of events hadn’t occurred Sean wouldn’t be with us and Ryder wouldn’t be with the Jensen’s. It’s like the book Because a little bug went kachoo. It’s surreal. How did this all come to be and why? I am expecting great things from Sean and Ryder.

Here’s to two years ago today.

It happened again

At midnight my phone rang.
Here’s a brief over view of the conversation.
Hysterical Jenny sobbing “it happened again.”
Me, “What happened?”
Jenny “I told his friends to leave and he jumped on me and choked me and broke a lamp over my head and punched me in the face. I can’t believe he did that in front of my kids.”
Me, “Did you call the police?”
Jenny, “They are here.”
Kylie, coughing and crying in the back ground.
Jenny, “That F&^*# why can’t he just punch me places that won’t show. I’m supposed to start a job tomorrow and now my face is all beat up.”
Me, “How about you leave him because you shouldn’t be beat up at all.”
Jenny, “I guess this is my fault, because I had it coming because I don’t leave.”
Me, “You sound like a text book domestic violence victim………………..”
There was another 30 minutes of conversation between us and I briefly spoke with the police officer. There is a restraining order against him seeing Jenny or the kids. (I wonder if that includes Sean)

This is the second time Ryan has been arrested in 7 days. Yes, days! He hasn’t even gone to court for the public intoxication and interfering with a police officer and now he’s back for aggravated assault and domestic violence in front of a child. He was in jail, July, all of Aug, part of September, end of October to beginning of November, then November 11 and now again on the 18th.

When does it end? When Jenny’s dead? When one of the kids is dead?

I told Jenny to go to a shelter. They are full. I told her I’d buy her bus ticket to another state to stay with a brother or sister. She doesn’t want to leave town because….. She is supposed to start a job today. I gave her money for the bus so she can take the girls to the crisis nursery while she goes for orientation. I don’t want to enable because I know it doesn’t help. Money doesn’t fix anything. She’s getting over $800 a month in food stamps, $800 a month in aid to families, and $249 a month that the state is paying her for Ryan’s child support. (WHAT the crap is that??) Plus the state will pay for daycare for the girls while she works. Money doesn’t fix anything with them.

She’s being evicted from the apartment so she is going to have to go somewhere. Where doesn’t really matter because in eight weeks she will be evicted again.

This is all making my head hurt. About 1:30 a.m. after all the phone calls I went in Sean’s room and laid down with him and thanked God that he is here with us. God bless those little girls because they need all the help they can get.

I don’t think she’s going to leave him. I don’t think anything is going to change. In 12 years it will be Kylie with a kid getting beat up by a drunk. The cycle will repeat.

Wordless Wednesday

David - teenager extraordinaire

Alika took this picture of David and Sean tonight after dinner. David was playing on the computer and Sean was singing "ring around the rosy". David took time out of his game to teach Sean that "ring around the rosy" was about the black plague.

I love to watch David with Sean. They are so interactive. Sean thinks David is totally awesome. David likes Sean too (now). For a long time David didn't pay any attention to Sean. Sean was about seven months old and he was sitting in a high chair next to David at the kitchen table. For some reason David looked over at Sean and for the first time actually noticed him. In a shocked voice David said "THAT BABY HAS THREE THUMBS!" That comment put everyone else at the table into fits of laughter. Seven months and how many "three thumbs up" and "hang eleven jokes" had we made and he was just now noticing the extra thumb. Their relationship has greatly improved since that day.

Ever since David was a little boy he has always been a little unaware of his surroundings. Last week I picked David up from hockey and he opened the back of the jeep and was getting ready to throw his hockey stick in and he stopped and asked "is Sean in his car seat?" I was just so impressed that he actually stopped his action and thought about who he was going to hit with the hockey stick. I was so proud of him. I've said it before but it's worth repeating. I am glad that the aliens who stole David when he was 13 returned him. They only kept him for 18 months. David is doing great in school. He's even started tracking his GPA. He's busy with hockey, guitar and skate boarding. He's getting his drivers permit this month too.

Sean's review of Elmo Live

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxzrVcQTG-4
I suggest you watch Sean's review of Elmo Live before you spend the $50.
The good news is I think we got $50 worth of laughs. He wasn't really scared, just disturbed.

Happy Second Birthday Sean

My itty bitty Sean in a bright blue blanket

Alika and Sean on the big slide at Kangaroo Zoo today

The very first time I held Sean he was about 12 hours old. I went into Jenny’s hospital room to do a nurse check. Jenny was sitting on the bed with Sean lying on the blanket between her legs. I asked if I could hold him. I don’t know why I remember holding him because I have held 100’s of babies on the postpartum unit. I asked his name and how her delivery was. I remember looking at him and saying all the usual things, “he’s really cute…” I distinctly recall feeling nothing special. I don’t even recall thinking he was particularly cute. I just remember looking at Jenny and thinking, this woman is not bonding with this baby.

I remember when I did bond with Sean. It was the second time we had him. He was about two weeks old. A couple of days after the domestic violence ER event Jenny called and asked if I would keep Sean for awhile so she and Ryan could talk about “what happened.” I went to their apartment and picked Sean up; he was so tense his little body was stiff. I brought him home and gave him a bath. After the bath I laid on the bed with him, got under the covers and put his naked little body against my chest, he melted into me and I fell in love. When AJ was born he was in the NICU for four days. I was staying at the hospital in a room for moms with hospitalized babies. On his third morning the NICU nurse came in and handed me AJ. I hadn’t been able to hold him yet. I unwrapped him, put him against my chest and he melted into me. The feeling with Sean was exactly the same. I think that night was the first time I asked Don, “Can we keep him?” His answer stayed the same for 22 months, “it’s not up to me.”

I’ve been the nurse to a ton of adopted babies and I've seen the excitement of the adoptive parents but always wondered if they could love an adopted baby as much as a biological baby. I now know for a fact the answer is yes.

Happy Birthday you little loved biscuit. We are glad you are in our family. We sure were'nt expecting you but we're glad you came.

I think this birthday nap picture is cute. If Woody really did have feelings he would be feeling the love. This is not a new Woody, it's 15+ years old, it was AJ's when he was little. Sean loves him even though his "sting is boken and Daddy can't fix it." (Note: the faded blue blanket)

Here's to National Adoption Month

This is the very elite club of Mother's of Brother's. Or as Heather calls them "Brothers from the same Mother." (AJ sometimes calls Sean his brother from another mother.) That's me and Heather. I'm holding my Sean and Ryder. (Heather is Ryder's mom.) Sean and Ryder sure look alike. I guess it is because they are biological brothers. They weren't interested in each other. Unless you can throw rocks, play with cars or jump Sean just doesn't give you the time of day. That Ryder is so darn cute I just had to kiss his chubby cheeks. It's weird to think of Sean and Ryder's relationship. Heather said they will grow up friends who grew in the same tummy. (but both live with a mummy other then the tummy mummy)



Boys found at pond, raised by geese.

Stephanie told me to leave the geese alone because they are mean. I thought perhaps they were misunderstood. I don't know if I would classify them as mean but they sure were persistent. They would take the food out of a baby's hands. One of them bit me when I fed it a cracker. I wonder if in this time of swine flu hysteria I will get bird flu from a goose? Something to ponder. None of the kids had any fear.



This picture of Nate, Holland and Sean is fun. Holland and Nate both walked right into the pond. I guess when your raised by geese that's normal behavior.

Writing anything but my thesis!

My thesis proposal was accepted by my committee yesterday so I should be actively writing. Instead I am having one of those lets think of what else I can do other then my thesis. Appealing options include: clean out the fridge, wash the bathroom rugs.... You get the idea. I will post one blog and then I will get busy. I swear, I will.

Whenever I start a C.N.A. class I have the students play a little ice breaker. They get into groups and identify things they have in common then they each list one "unique" thing about themselves. I always have some whopper stories and think "I should write that down" but I don't. Now I will.

Last months favorite was a woman who had her gallbladder out and for some reason kept her gall stones in a bowl on her desk until her three year old found them and ate them. That is so disgustingly funny.

Last nights favorite was a sad looking little teenager who told us she was conceived in the yard at the Utah state prison when her mother was visiting her father. She said the guards were all amazed that her parents were able to find a spot in the prison yard to to do the deed and not get caught. I don't know what is more troubling about this story, the idea that it happened or the fact that her mother told her it happened.

OK, I'm going to work on my thesis now. Really, I am! Right after I check my Facebook.

November is here!

November is here. October is so yesterday. Don, Sean and I went to the lake today and it was beautiful! Sean loves to throw rocks in the water. There were only two other people on the lake that we could see and they were fishing. I imagine all our rock throwing scared the fish in their direction. We try to be helpful.

It's fun to make root beer but I don't particularly like root beer so I thought, why not try and make some orange soda along with the root beer? Well, the reason why people don't do that is because it doesn't taste good. It was fun to make but not so fun to drink. I bought dry ice the day before we were going to use it and I stored it in a cooler. When I went to get it out the bag was very dry and very empty. Hm, what do you think happened? Did someone steal my dry ice? It just vanished like the wind. Weird things happen at Halloween. It was pretty funny Don ran to the store and bought some more. If you plan to store dry ice over night I suggest you keep it in an air tight, very small container.