On the topic of adoption

Sean has always known he's adopted. He knows his birth sisters and brother and birth parents. We have books with their pictures and he saw them lots the first few years of his life until Jennie went to jail. For the past few months Sean has talked a lot about whose tummy he grew in. He would get really upset if I said he grew in Jennie's. Once he even asked me how he got from Jennie's tummy to mine. I told him it must have been magic and I didn't know. He asked me if he grew in someone else tummy would I love him just as much. I told him yes. I decided I would just let him lead how and when he wanted information.

A couple of weeks ago Sean asked who named him first. His middle name is the same as Don's and his first name rhymes with Don. So we just said you have a name that is very close to daddy's. We were driving home from school Sean said "I don't want you to ever lie to me." I said "OK, what do you want to talk about?" He said that the other kids at school believe in Santa but I had told him Santa wasn't real so the other kids parents had lied to them. I asked him again if he wanted to talk about anything and he said no.

I knew it was coming.... I was laying down in his room with him and he asked "whose tummy did I grow in?" I said you grew in Jennie's tummy, so did Kylie and Brie and Ryder and that's why they are your sisters and brother's too. He wanted to know if he ever lived with them and I told him not really that he had been with us since he was 11 days old but he used to see them. He wanted to know if I was at the hospital when he was born and when I first saw him and I told him I saw him the day he was born. He wanted to know why he didn't live with Jennie and Ryan and I told them they made bad choices and that's why they had all been adopted.  Then he wanted to know the choices they made. He was talking about adoption a lot. Several times a day. "You are my second mom, Jennie is my first. I want to see her." I told him I didn't know where she lived because I don't. It's tough though because I don't want him to see her. He asked who named him first and I told him Jennie and Ryan.

A couple of days ago Jennie texted me. She said she wanted to talk about Ryan, she said he was having a hard time and he's back on drugs and drinking. I thought the "back on" was interesting because I never knew he was off drugs. His girlfriends parents put her in rehab as she is back on drugs too but she left rehab and went back to Ryan. Jennie still has $35000 in bench warrants. I just dont' want Sean exposed to their lifestyle.

On Friday Ryder came over to play. I told Sean that Ryder grew in Jennie's tummy and he was his brother. He asked why I didn't adopt him too since he's his brother. Ouch, that's a tough question. I always thought he would ask that question in relations to his sisters and not Ryder. I told him we just didn't feel like we could adopt all of them and we loved him because we had him in our home since he was so little and we would make sure he had a relationship with Ryder and his sisters. I told him that Heather really needed Ryder to be her son.

It's got to be so confusing for a child to sort all of that out. All the articles I read say that if kids are talking about adoption they are thinking about it even more. It makes me wonder how often he thinks about it because he is talking about it every day. Yesterday we were at the movies and he said "I'm glad I'm in this family and not my other family." I told him I was glad that he was in this family too." I know when he gets older and has a cell phone and Internet access he will be able to contact Jennie and Ryan when he wants and won't even know. I just don't like to think of them asking him for money and exposing him to a lifestyle that is not healthy. If I had it my way he would limit his relationship to his sisters and his brother but that will be his choice when he grows up. It's just so easy for teenagers and young adults to make bad choices and we are doing everything we can to help Sean make good choices.

Sean and Ryder eating some freezer pops in the hot tub. Sean's ice fell into the hot tub and he was trying to pick it up and it kept melting. Funny kids.