At midnight my phone rang.
Here’s a brief over view of the conversation.
Hysterical Jenny sobbing “it happened again.”
Me, “What happened?”
Jenny “I told his friends to leave and he jumped on me and choked me and broke a lamp over my head and punched me in the face. I can’t believe he did that in front of my kids.”
Me, “Did you call the police?”
Jenny, “They are here.”
Kylie, coughing and crying in the back ground.
Jenny, “That F&^*# why can’t he just punch me places that won’t show. I’m supposed to start a job tomorrow and now my face is all beat up.”
Me, “How about you leave him because you shouldn’t be beat up at all.”
Jenny, “I guess this is my fault, because I had it coming because I don’t leave.”
Me, “You sound like a text book domestic violence victim………………..”
There was another 30 minutes of conversation between us and I briefly spoke with the police officer. There is a restraining order against him seeing Jenny or the kids. (I wonder if that includes Sean)
This is the second time Ryan has been arrested in 7 days. Yes, days! He hasn’t even gone to court for the public intoxication and interfering with a police officer and now he’s back for aggravated assault and domestic violence in front of a child. He was in jail, July, all of Aug, part of September, end of October to beginning of November, then November 11 and now again on the 18th.
When does it end? When Jenny’s dead? When one of the kids is dead?
I told Jenny to go to a shelter. They are full. I told her I’d buy her bus ticket to another state to stay with a brother or sister. She doesn’t want to leave town because….. She is supposed to start a job today. I gave her money for the bus so she can take the girls to the crisis nursery while she goes for orientation. I don’t want to enable because I know it doesn’t help. Money doesn’t fix anything. She’s getting over $800 a month in food stamps, $800 a month in aid to families, and $249 a month that the state is paying her for Ryan’s child support. (WHAT the crap is that??) Plus the state will pay for daycare for the girls while she works. Money doesn’t fix anything with them.
She’s being evicted from the apartment so she is going to have to go somewhere. Where doesn’t really matter because in eight weeks she will be evicted again.
This is all making my head hurt. About 1:30 a.m. after all the phone calls I went in Sean’s room and laid down with him and thanked God that he is here with us. God bless those little girls because they need all the help they can get.
I don’t think she’s going to leave him. I don’t think anything is going to change. In 12 years it will be Kylie with a kid getting beat up by a drunk. The cycle will repeat.
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6 comments:
This is terrible. I am saying a prayer for this woman & her children & wishing there was a way to make it all stop.
Aw, Carol, you are involved in a heart wrenching situation. Those poor little girls - and lucky Sean. It is really, really frustrating to know what needs to be done and not be able to do anything to make it happen. Jenny is lucky in that she at least has you to call so she is not totally alone. How sad for her to be so alone. She must feel sort of paralized because she doesn't see any way out of her situation. You are smart not to be an enabler with money. You are right, it does not solve those problems.
I know it is hard to get things like this out of your head, but try not to let it consume you and stress you out too much. Your life shouldn't suffer because of Jenny and Ryan's situation, but it can happen.
As you know, I am now on Facebook. I got a sad little message last week from Kammy Shaw (Don will know her.) I babysat for her and her two sisters for several years while their mother worked as a nurse. The mother was into taking pataients' drugs and drove her car headon into a tree and destroyed Kammy's face when she was about six. It was sad and everyone knew it was going to happen. The message I got from Kammy just said "You used to love me." That was all. It makes me cry to wonder where she is and what is happening to her. Life has some darn sad moments - fortunately, it has some good, funny, sweet, happy moments, too. Hopefully things stay in balance.
This is one of the most difficult situations to be in. You have to be supportive of even the worst decisions so you don't get pushed away, leaving the victim with no one. But you also can't let yourself be abused. I don't think victims of abuse realize how they victimize people who care.
That is just horrible! I will say a prayer for that family.....and for you. I have had a friend who went through a similar situation and....until she was FINALLY ready to leave...it did not matter what I did or said. Hang in there!
Heather updated me on what's going on....we've been praying for them and all those involved. Such a tough situation. Sorry you have to be in the middle of the mess! Shelby
I began to notice a peculiar tendency when I was in the 8th grade. Girls who were attractive enough to choose pretty much anyone they want displayed a strong attraction to the most belligerent bullies in school. That behavior is obviously not universal, but it's prevalent enough to perpetuate a strong stereotype and it was a constant irritant throughout my teens and twenties. Without enablers, violent males would be few and far between.
http://columbine101.blogspot.com/2009/01/columbine-101-lesson-one-real-world.html
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