Visit to the Slammer

I’ve been debating whether or not to write about my visit to the jail on Saturday. I’ve decided the experience is not one I wish to repeat but it is worth remembering. The last phone call I accepted from Jenny she pleaded with me to come visit her in the jail. They are allowed three visitors per week and to the best of my knowledge with the exception of a visit from Ryan before the protective order was instituted and a visit from the DCFS worker no one else has visited.

For those of you who have never had the need to visit the jail I’ll explain how it works. You arrive 45 minutes before your planned visit. Prisoners are allowed two visits per week of up to three people. There visiting times are designated by the “pod” they are housed in. Jenny is in Pod B (maximum security) because she is being held for aggravated assault with potential for deadly force. (Yes, the deadly force was the brick). Her visiting days are Saturday and Monday. I left for the jail at 8:00 am thinking I could get into see her at 9:15 and be home by 10.

When I was walking up the ramp to the jail I couldn’t help but notice that the jail is Ugly, yes that’s a capital U. It looks like a large cinder block. There are no windows. They really need to reconsider their exterior and interior decorators!

I started people watching as soon as I got out of my car. I went into the visitor registration area and waited in line. There were a lot of cute Hispanic girls with babies there and there were some scary looking people but not so many. The people that made me sad were all the middle aged very “normal” very “Mormon” looking couples, no doubt waiting to see their kids with drug problems. I gave my driver’s license and the guard asked if I had ever been there before. They took my address and phone number then I was sent to the lobby to wait. I was sitting, waiting, wondering what the heck was going on when a very “normal” looking woman sat next to me. “Have you been her before?” I asked. She rolled her eyes and said “oh YES!” Not sure how to respond I said “I’m really sorry.” I asked her how things worked and she explained how the visits went. It was helpful. She also told me about her daughter the Sunbeam teacher from Kaysville who became addicted to meth after using it to lose weight. She had been a great teenager and had a terrific job which all went to hell with her addiction. She has now been arrested for theft, assault, prostitution, and distribution. There have been so many charges over a three year period that the mom can’t even keep track. Her husband, a nurse has been working three jobs to pay attorney fees. It was a tragic story. I suppose if I had talked to any of the other “normal” looking people in there they would have had similarly tragic stories. Talking to her did made the time go faster as I didn’t bring a book.

After spending a half an hour in the lobby they called for the 9:30 visitors. At this point we exchanged our driver’s license for a key and had to put EVERYTHING in a locker. They said you couldn’t even take tissue paper with you. (I hid my chap stick, no chap stick no visit!) We went through security screening and then sat in another room for 30 minutes. The woman I was talking to said this gives them enough time to check the visitors for warrants or felonies. If you have a warrant even for unpaid parking tickets they come and take you out of the holding room and arrest you. Fortunately I am warrant free. At 9:50 a guard came in the room and read off the names of all the prisoners being visited, you had to raise your hand when she called of the name of the person you were visiting. She then explained that we couldn’t swear or take our clothes off while we were there. Excellent advice!

At 10 a bell rang and we were sent down the hall to our visiting pods. Everyone else was going to pod C so I was on my own. I had to walk down a really long hall. As I was walking down the hall I remembered a story Kylie had told me of going to see her dad in jail on her 4th birthday. It went something like this. “I waited in a room for a long time then I walked down a really long hall and then the door made a noise and then another door made a noise and then we walked some more into a room and then a sound went clang and daddy sat down behind the window and I said HI DADDY! It was an accurate description. I went into door 8B and there were some metal stools and partitioned windows. I stood there wondering what’s next and a voice came out of the ceiling saying “she’s on her way.”

Jenny came in and we sat across from each other. There are no phones like on TV. You just talk through the window. Jenny looked horrible. She’s lost weight, her hair was greasy her face swollen. She just cried and said she wanted to get out; she wanted me to get her out. We talked about Ryan and she said he’s turned on her and is acting like everything is her fault. She told me she wasn’t a bad person and didn’t belong there and that she can’t believe she’s lost her kids and that her life has gone to hell. I mostly just listened. I asked her where she planned to go when she got out and she said to stay with her brother. I asked her if her brother knew that and she said yes. I don’t believe her. I told her the kids were safe and happy and that she needed to think about how she was going to get her life together. She didn’t say anything I hadn’t heard her say before. I don’t know if any real change is coming. She blames Ryan for everything. I said “you chose to go out drinking” and she said “I only drink with Ryan. I never drink without him.” I asked her about a story Ryan had told me about her last pregnancy and she said it was true. I reminded her that Ryan was in jail when this drinking event in question had occurred and she didn’t say anything.

I have tried for three years to help her but I don’t think there is anything I can do. Lack of parenting the foster care system and reactive attachment disorder have done irreparable damage. The visit made me feel bad but I have to have boundaries. I cannot justify paying $1800 bail to get her out. Half the bail is for charges that are 2, 3, and 4 years old. I tried to make her understand that this isn’t a one time event that this is a culmination of her life but she doesn’t see it. She doesn’t see anything, she’s not rationale she’s despondent and feels like the entire world has forsaken her. In a way I guess it has.

Sad life.