Waiting

Alika and I are waiting to get served. Alika got a call yesterday afternoon from the girls attorney Janene letting us know we would be getting subpoenaed. Alika will be questioned about seeing Jenny and Ryan in a bar and I will be questioned about the abuse I have seen, ie bruises etc.

Jenny called me yesterday morning very upset and told me that her attorney had told her I was going to be subpoenaed. She wanted to know what I was going to say. I told her I hadn't been served or heard that I was going to be and if I did what I said would depend on what I was asked. Jenny and I had a long talk about the girls. At one point she said "well at least if I lose the girls I will still have Sean." I said "Jenny, you're not getting Sean back!" She said she knew that and meant she would have more time to see him.  She told be about the phone records being subpoenaed. I asked her how often they talked and she said lots. She said they were talking about the girls. I asked her what there was to talk about when she didn't have them. Then she said they were talking about their divorce. I said I had been divorced and certainly didn't spend time on the phone with my soon to be ex. I told her to keep trying to come up with something I would believe and she said that was all she had. I told her that was a BIG problem. She said she knew. We talked a lot about her parenting, her plans for the girls if she gets them back, my goals for the girls and the kind of life I would like them to have. I really don't want to hurt or alienate Jenny. She's had a crappy life but I have to protect the kids. As soon as I actually get served I will tell Jenny and tell her that Alika was served too. When she told me I was getting served I told her I was not happy about being dragged into this and did not want to be in the courtroom.

Jenny kept saying she didn't know what she would do if she lost the girls. She said her attorney told her they would appeal. We talked a little about what she would do. I suggested go to school. She is really starting to process that it could happen. I do not understand how she could want the girls back yet so blatantly break the rules and not follow her case plan. She is still lying and not following it. Did she think there would be no consequences?

I was thinking that all Ryan and Jenny's attorneys would do on rebuttal is ask if I had ever seen them hit each other. Catherine said they will attack me and make it look like I am lying because I want Sean. I am trying to emotionally prepare for anything they throw at me. It's unnerving. Hopefully, this will be it and the girls will be raised in a safe loving home and we won't have to worry about them ever coming back and trying to take Sean. I feel bad that Alika has been dragged into this. She is worried that Ryan will come after her. I told her that wouldn't happen but if she ever ran into Ryan in a bar she needed to leave immediately with friends.

I asked Janene if she would do any sort of negotiating or bargaining at this point for Jenny and she said Jenny's attorney had called her several weeks ago and wanted to make a deal but she said there would be NO DEAL. My goal is to still have some sort of functional positive relationship with Jenny when this is over. She's still the woman who gave birth to Sean and she was never loved or cared for as a child. She was destined for failure. I just don't know any way to break the cycle for her children without Jenny being hurt in the process. Lanette is willing to have Jenny be a part of the girls lives if she adopts them. Hopefully Jenny's heart will heal as she watches Kylie, Brie, Sean and Ryder become successful, productive happy adults and have the stable, loving childhoods that she didn't get. Childhood is so important but it is such a small portion of a person's life. As much as I love Sean I care very deeply for Jenny. I know that's kind of twisted but it's true. When we were at Kangaroo Zoo last week Jenny didn't have any socks so she couldn't play on the jumpy toys. She ran over and said "can I have two dollars to buy socks?" I gave her a five dollar bill and she ran over bought the socks and then brought me the change. She is one of my kids too. One that I frequently want to smack upside the head but one that I care for. Now I'm rambling and crying a little bit.