Message in a bottle

This is Alex and Loreal's invitation to their Hawaii wedding. How cool is that! 

Works of Art

Spring is in the air and it's craft time. I got home from work at 7 yesterday and Sean had just woken up from a long nap. He didn't go to bed until midnight so we put together craft kits for his school. We are ready for grasshoppers made out of clothespins and pipe cleaners and butterfly's. Today we did crayon art. It was a little messier than I anticipated. Jadah ended up with crayon splatters all over her skirt. The kids had a great time. 

First the kids sorted the crayons according to the rainbow (more or less) then I glued them on with the glue gun.

They all took turns with the hair dryer. (Do you think Alika will notice the crayon spatters on her dryer?) Who knew this could be such a noisy craft. When the crayons melted they jumped up and down and screamed.

Two handed turn with Sean and Lincoln.

A master piece.

I had an extra canvas and crayons so I let Sean and Ethan make one when we got home. They held the dryer for about five minutes then told me it was my turn. It was easier in the classroom, everyone wanted to hold the dryer.

Kid update

Couple of bathtub pictures not sure why I thought this was so funny but Sean had the medicine cup in his mouth and he looked like some sort of sea creature or a dental experiment gone bad.

Don bought him a plastic magnifying glass so he was checking out the sea life in the tub. Ethan told us at dinner tonight that you can't swim in a pond because there are sharks in there. Sean said "sharks don't live in ponds, they live in the ocean."


 My sister asked what was going on with Sean and his sisters so I decided I'd better do an update.

Jenny sent me an email. (I can send emails to the jail via a service and when I send her an email they give her a piece of paper that she writes me a letter on then they email it to my "jail inmate account." Nice) Ryan doesn't want to give the girls up without a fight because it's like he's giving up so he wants to go to trial. Apparently his idea of a fight is three days of everyone saying what a lousy person he is and his state paid attorney calling everyone a liar. Personally, that doesn't sound like a good time to me. If he wanted to fight perhaps he could have stayed sober, off of drugs, out of jail, gotten a job and a place to live. That's not how he fights. Ryan even told me his attorney said it was "an uphill battle."

Jenny is now vacillating on if she should "fight".  Jenny asked me if I think she should go to "trail." I haven't answered but will tell her while it's her choice if I was her I would rather tell the kids I had made some really bad decisions and rather than drag them down with me I loved them enough to make sure they would have a good life. But, hey if you want to sit in front of a DCFS judge in hand cuffs and shackles for three days and explain how you've turned your life around and should have your kids, have at it!

I sent Jenny a bunch of jail jokes in my last email and she told me "the girls on the pod really liked them." Nice to know I can bring a little humor into life on the pod. Jenny told me there was drama on her pod but didn't tell me what. When I said that to Ryan he said that Jenny had gotten in an argument with another inmate. Impressive.

Ryan wanted to see Sean today and actually showed up! We met him at Gateway in the food court. I felt kind of bad for him he had walked from where ever he is staying. I asked if he'd gotten Jenny's stuff packed up and he said it was in the back of his dad's truck. I asked what he was doing and he said working now and then and trying to go to school at SLCC in June, like Jenny. (Yep she's at the jail campus.) Four years I've known him and his life is no better and I don't see it ever changing.  We were going to see a movie at the Planetarium so he walked over there with us and he and Sean hung out for an hour before the movie. At first Sean wouldn't talk to him and I told Ryan "he's nervous" and Ryan said "so am I." Sean warmed up pretty quick and was talking up a storm but Ryan never looked comfortable. Don and I sat down in the lobby and tried to give them some time alone but it was obvious Ryan couldn't wait to get out of there. When we told him it was time for us to go to the movie he looked relieved.

We had our homestudy today. We had to have it done before Catherine can set a hearing date. There's an irony to someone coming into our home, looking at our financials, looking in our cubboards, wanting to know about health insurance, life, dental, how we were raised, our criminal background, health history, and requiring letters of reference from five people who know us. Please stranger who we are paying $600 to, are we good enough to parent the child we've had for 4 years? Just saying! He was a nice guy. He said he couldn't figure out why he got a criminal background on Aric Cramer. He knows my ex and I explained that it is Aric Cramer Junior he got the background check on. Don thought we should pay $600 and have him do a homestudy on Ryan. Oh wait, just pull up the newspaper article where the police described his home as deplorable. That's a pretty quick study.

Say Yes to the Dress

Loreal and her mom went looking for wedding dresses today and I got invited to come along:) Her friend Alex came too so it was a fun little party. She wasn't going to do a veil but decided she liked the half veil. It looks really beautiful. I think this was the first dress she tried on. Some of them I didn't take pictures of. They were all pretty in different ways. Hard choice.

There were some with the perfect top, some with the perfect bottom, some with the perfect back, some with the perfect front. Oh how to find the perfect everything.

I love the bead work on the side of this one.

I thought this one looked very beachy. But it was a no go!

When the dress is chosen they had her ring a bell. Kind of hokey but kind of fun! Now what am I going to wear to the wedding. I figured on the beach I was going to go shoeless! Loreal and her mom are both wearing high heels.

Caped Crusaders

They're not caped in this picture they are bubbled. They really like playing in the bath tub. They like playing in the hot tub too but the bath tub is easier, especially when it's dark outside.

They decided they wanted bigger capes than the washcloths. They wanted towels but that would be too heavy. Thought about dish towels but decided to go with pillow cases. They thought they were hard core tough guys. Yesterday Ethan was messing around at the table and spilled juice all over the floor. I said "Ethan you made a mess!" He said "no I made a mistake!" I said no you were messing around and you made a mess. He and Sean were just insistent that it was a mistake, OK whatever. At one point Sean was being really sassy and Ethan chimed in so Sean got sent to time out by AJ and Ethan got sent home. Ethan's mom brought him back a minute later and I had to tell her he had been temporarily banished until Sean was done with time out. He then came back and stayed until 8 pm.

Today they wanted capes of color. Don took them to McDonald's in their attire. He said people were smiling. Then we went to the movies. It was fun to watch people watch them. The lady in front of them in the popcorn line said she hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. She said duct tape $2, pillow cases $3, capes priceless. Miranda said she was going to sew them some capes but thought the duct tape and pillow cases worked.

We saw Arietta, it's from the book the Borrowers. It was kind of cute. Arietta let one of the "beans" see her and when her dad was fussing at her she said "I made a mistake." Sean and Ethan both picked up on that.... she made a MISTAKE!  Ethan didn't like the part where the lady was mean and put one of the little people in a jar but they were both really good. They only spilled one bucket of pop corn and none of their drinks.

Quack Quack

Sean was having pictures at school today so I asked Alika to cut his hair. (He insisted on wearing a too big shirt and a hoody for his picture so I am not sure what difference his hair made. Another kid wore his pajama top and a pair of sweat pants so I consider myself lucky. The girls were all dressed like little princesses, go figure)

Ethan had to have a haircut too. I said go ask your mom. He ran home and came back. I asked him what his mom said and he said she said "sure."

After the haircuts they played in the tub for 90 minutes. Then they ran around with wash clothes for capes. They were upset because they wouldn't stay on and insisted on duct tape. Don got some from the garage.

After the duct tape they ran up and down the hall yelling quack quack. It took me a minute to figure out why... Ha DUCK TAPE! I had to carefully fold Sean's pajamas this morning and put them back in the drawer so he can wear them again tonight.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. We celebrated with dinner last night because Valentine's is a crazy night to go anywhere nice! Woo hoo, we are still happily married.

I went to the jail to see Jenny this evening. As always a visit to the jail is a unique experience. I feel bad for the parents of the kids there. I know they aren't really kids but nonetheless I feel for all the middle aged people who I know are there to visit their children. I couldn't get my locker opened and a man helped me. When we were walking through security he said "kids, what can you do?" I agreed. I went and sat up against a far wall in the holding room and he came over and sat next to me. He told me his son had gotten in with the wrong crowd and shot someone. Wow, horrible story.

On to Jenny. She was crying but looked OK. I asked her what happened and she told me she "borrowed" a patient's credit card but was going to pay it back. She said "I didn't know borrowing a credit card was such a big deal." I said "yep, Jenny it's a felony." I told her I'd seen the ten mug shots and that the one of her so young charged with DV made me sad. She told me it was when Kylie was a baby and Ryan hit her so she stabbed him with a knife. Wow, horrible story.

She told me she wants to sign the girls over and let Lanette adopt them ASAP. I told her I wanted her to sign Sean's adoption papers and no kidding she said "I thought you'd already adopted Sean." Are you kidding me???? She's going to sign the papers. I talked to Catherine and hopefully she will get it done Monday. We talked for the full 30 minutes. Mostly it was Jenny telling me what a mess she's made of her life and she has no idea how she's going to dig out of the hole. She said Ryan has a drug problem that is getting worse. I don't know if it's true but think it probably is. The last time I saw him his hands were shaking like he was on meth or heroin. Now I have to talk to Ryan about signing papers, which means I have to find him.

Catherine had been occupied with things other than my legal needs.  Harrison's appendix ruptured last Tuesday. He had surgery but had complications and they had to put drains in three abscesses. Hopefully he's on the mend and will get home Thursday. Now Stephanie's baby Levi is in the hospital with a virus. Sick nephews I have!

I'm going to have them change Sean's name at school tomorrow to Lindsay on all the school papers. Every time I sign him in Vestal it bugs me! Sean William Lindsay it will be. I can't do it on anything legal yet but the only time we really use his last name for anything besides health care and airline tickets is school.

Valentine's houses

We didn't have time for Gingerbread houses this Christmas because we were away but we did have time for Sean's school Valentine houses. Don assembled all the houses this weekend, I made the frosting and bought the candy so all I had to do today was go to the school and watch them assemble. It's amazing the difference a year can make the kids did so much better this year. They were cooperative and did a great job.

Well most of them. The little boy with his head to the back of the camera just took his apart and ate it. Whatever makes them happy!

After Sean had his adequately decorated he took a bite out of the roof. Funny most of the boys with the exception of Lincoln took bites out of them, the girls with the exception of Jadah didn't. Jadah is the little girl in red and blue next to Sean. She is such a funny girl. Every time she sees me she says "Carol I am going to marry Sean." Last Monday I asked her what she did fun during the weekend. She said "I went to Walmart with my mom and she pinkie swore that she would buy me some toothpaste in the yellow box with the arm and hammer on it and she didn't. Then I wanted some minty fresh mouth wash and she wouldn't buy it either so I laid on the floor and kicked and screamed really loud." "How'd that work out for you Jadah?" I asked. She said "not good, I got put it time out but the lady at Walmart gave me a sticker so I'd shut up.!"

Aging out of foster care

Our Judicial system in regards to children is broken. The children aren't put first, reunification is. They put such an emphasis on keeping sibling groups together that they sometimes put the siblings in a worse situation. For example Jenny was a baby when she went into foster care but because they wanted to keep all five kids together they ended up in a failed adoption. It takes the courts way to long to terminate rights. Legislatures are trying to limit DCFS scope however when something horrible happens like Josh Powell murdering his boys everyone cries outrage at the Judge. The Judge is following the laws and regulations legislatures have determined. I don't know the answers but I know it's a mess.

Many youth who leave foster care at 18 years of age or older entered foster care as teenagers. As they prepare to leave care, they need support and services to help them begin the transition to adulthood and prepare for work and personal responsibilities. Studies of youth who leave foster care without a safe, permanent family reveal consistently negative life outcomes. One found that 25 percent of foster care alumni who aged out did not have a high school diploma or GED. Another study found that less than 2 percent finished college compared with 23 percent of youth in the general population. Over half of youth who aged out of foster care experienced one or more episodes of homelessness, and nearly 30 percent were incarcerated at some point—many times the rate for other young adults.Youth who aged out of foster care were less likely to be employed or to have health insurance than were their peers who had not been in foster care. 55% will be unemployed and 40% of girls will have a baby within 18 months of leaving foster care. These negative experiences compromise these young adults’ abilities to lead independent, fulfilling and productive lives and create substantial costs for government.
Other notes: foster children are 53% more likely to be prescribed psychotropic drugs then children not in foster care.
I read another study that said 40% of children who have been in foster care will have their own children taken into foster care.
Jenny entered foster care at eight months. She lived with over 25 families and it several group homes. She was never adopted. She got pregnant at 16, had lost a baby to DCFS at 17 and was pregnant again at 18. I found these pictures of Jenny on the web. I am adding them to this journal not to be critical of her but rather to document what the foster care system can do to children. While she makes me crazy with her continual bad decisions and not taking advantage of the many opportunities given to her she is a product of the system. She got broken at a very early age and by the time she was a teenager there was no fixing it.

Here is Jenny's life in mugshots. I know there are a couple missing but this is what I could find online. It is definitely enough to tell the story. This is why all her kids need to be adopted to stop this cycle.  

I think she must have been pregnant with Brie in this one. The child that the domestic violence was in front of was baby Kylie. This picture is sad because she looks just like Kylie.

 DV in front of a child

Shoplifting

Aggravated assault

Pregnant with Sean in this one. 

Traffic violations

Theft

I believe this was a gas and go while Ryan was in jail and I was watching the girls. It's about the time she got pregnant with Ryder.

Traffic violation

Theft

 Not sure what this one is for but guessing she was pregnant with Ryder at the time.

 Protective order violation

Failure to stop at command of a police officer

Assault

Theft

Aggravated assault

Protective order violation

 Assault

DV

Public intoxication

 Public assistance fraud

1.24.11

Credit card fraud

Theft

Parole Violation

2/6/2012

Drama update

We took Grandma to lunch at Red Lobster today and AJ pointed out that I haven't updated my blog as to the Jenny drama. I told him because things change so much I hadn't posted anything. But alas if I am to keep an accurate document of all the drama I must record all the twist and turns of this journey. Jenny called Lanette from jail on Tuesday. It was only a sixty second courtesy call so it was fast but she said something to the affect: "I did something really stupid. I stole some credit cards, I'm going to be here awhile and I can't do this anymore I want you to adopt the girls." This is pretty exciting but I don't believe anything until the papers are signed. I still got subpoenaed yesterday for the March trial. The  DCFS  worker was supposed to go to the jail and talk to her Thursday but we don't know if she did. Clarice had her baby and is out on maternity so there is a new worker. Lanette said she's tough and doesn't put up with any crap.

The therapist Becky told the girls their mom was in jail and that was why she couldn't see them. She also told them their dad had been in jail last week and that is why he didn't see them. She explained that none of this was their fault it is their parent's bad choices. Brie found this liberating and talks about it constantly. "My mom is in a big time out, she made bad choices, it's not my fault. She has to sit in a room and think about her choices." Kylie on the other hand wants Brie to quit talking about it and says she doesn't want to think about it. That makes sense to me. Brie has always been the victim and now she can stop. Kylie has always had to protect her parents, lie for them, try to take care of them so this is a real burden for her. She probably feels lost. Hopefully soon like Brie she will feel liberated. I haven't told Sean anything because he doesn't care.

I'm going to go to the jail on Tuesday and talk to Jenny. I am going to ask her to sign Sean's adoption papers and make everything final. I am going to put some money on her "books" so she can call Ryan and discuss it with him. If she says no I am going to tell her we are going to file for termination of their parental rights and have a trial. Hopefully this will go easy. She's pretty low right now. She's lost her job, she's looking at serving some time, she can't get welfare, her car got impounded and she will be evicted soon. I've also sensed a real change in her relationship with Sean the past few months. She has been very distant and there has been an obvious lack of connection. She comes over without the girls so Sean has no interest in her and she doesn't really know Sean so she doesn't know how to interact with him. She doesn't call as much as she used to and she doesn't ask about him when she does.

The jail has a cool way of communicating now. I can send Jenny an email for fifty cents and then they will email me her letter to me for another fifty. I like it, I control the correspondence and Jenny has some contact with the outside. This is Jenny's letter to me.

Disturbing

I kept waking up last night and thinking about what Josh Powell did to his sons. I couldn't believe he would murder his little boys. Then today I read he chopped them with an axe before they burned up. Too upsetting for words.

I know Jenny isn't as crazy as Josh Powell, at least I hope she's not. I got the details of what she's in jail for and it is really upsetting. She has no morals and no respect for anyone. Last week she told me she couldn't see Sean because she was going to Ross Dress Barn. I just thought, whatever.....
She stole an ATM card from one of her retarded residents and had been using it for several months. Between the end of last month and the beginning of this she really went on a spending spree. Took a couple of hundred out of ATM's, bought clothes, paid her phone bill all with a disabled residents money. She denied it was her using the card and the police took her to Ross where they showed her on video making the purchases. They also have record of the residents credit card being used to pay her phone bill. Her parole violation report said "She resides at the above address with her husband." Nice, they aren't even pretending not to live together. She still lies to me and says they aren't together even when I know they are. She is truly pathological. I had been impressed that she'd kept a job for a year but that's the end of that job. When she gets out of jail she'll be even more desperate because she won't have  a job and who knows what she will do.

Not improving with age

I once thought about saving all Jenny's mug shots but thought, nah that would be mean. Now I wish I had. It would be a sad pictorial documentation of her self destruction. I found this old one on the Internet and then one from November and the new one from yesterday.

She looks like someone you would not want to meet alone on an alley. Then I look at those eyes and think it's just Jenny being stupid and making more bad decision's. She is piling them high and deep and only one month until the DCFS trial. I saw her on Thursday, we went to the mall and had lunch. She told me she was working every evening until Wed when she saw the girls. Apparently working didn't interfere with her stealing credit cards and using them. As soon as I saw the charges I did check my purse to make sure all my credit cards were there. Honestly, what is wrong with her brain? I never cease to be amazed out how smart Sean is and how dumb she is. I know she had a crappy start in life but really. She has a preliminary hearing on Tuesday for her new drug charges. Ryan has court on Wed for his new public intoxication charges. And now this........................

Coincidence?

Lanette's son took pictures of the girls at Christmas. I hadn't seen them until today. When Jenny showed it to me my first thought was oh my gosh Brie looks just like Lanette. I didn't say it because I thought it might make Jenny feel bad but then she said Brie looks just like Lanette. It's really true. She's like a little mini Lanette.

Ryan was in jail last week for public intoxication and disturbing the peace.

Jenny came over to have lunch with us today she was supposed to come yesterday but said she'd rather go shopping and I said it didn't matter. We were talking about birth control because it's time to get her implanon replaced and she has no funds. It's $700 for one at planned parenthood. I told her she was going to have to get an IUD because they are cheaper (and I'm going to be the one paying for it) and it last longer. Up to eight years:) I do not understand why birth control is not free. There are so many unwanted and abused children who end up in prison and foster care. If women had access to birth control it would save the Government a ton of money and maybe just maybe some of these women could get ahead and do something with their lives. Honestly, if I didn't pay for Jenny to get an IUD she'd be pregnant as soon as the Implanon runs out. Crazy.

Sean's school

Montessori teacher: Four decades and going strong

Education • Marta Garcia remains a disciple of student-driven learning.

By Carol Lindsay



Special to The Tribune



Published: February 2, 2012 09:02AM

Updated: February 2, 2012 08:50AM


  The Salt Lake Tribune
Marta Garcia, who has taught at Sunrise Montessori for more than 40 years, works with her students at the Bountiful, Utah school Monday, January 23, 2012. Growing up in El Salvador, Marta Garcia didn’t play house with her dolls. Instead, she played school.



She would line them up in a row and teach them to read. And using butcher paper from her father’s shop, she made booklets and taught the neighboring children to read, too.



“My mom told me that one of the neighbor girls couldn’t learn how to read at school,” Garcia recalled. “Her mother said that I taught her to read.”



With that kind of history, it may not be surprising to learn that Garcia went on to be a teacher. But what may be surprising is that Garcia still is teaching at age 70. She has taught at Montessori schools in Salt Lake and Bountiful — schools she founded and directed — for more than four decades.



When she was 21, Garcia graduated from an El Salvador college with a teaching degree. It was there she was introduced to Montessori-style instruction.



Developed by Italian educator Maria Montessori in 1909, the Montessori Method relies more on a child’s natural interests than on formal teaching. It focuses on five areas — practical life, sensory awareness education, language arts, mathematics and geometry, and cultural subjects — to broaden students’ horizons.



“Montessori sees the child with tenderness,” Garcia said. “It sees the child as he is naturally.”



When Garcia moved to the United States shortly after graduation, she was surprised at how hard it was to integrate Montessori into her teaching. By the time her oldest child had turned 3, Garcia had become convinced that she wanted her kids to have a Montessori education.



Unable to find a suitable school, she decided to open her own. But there was a problem: She didn’t have any money.



So Garcia went to a bank and asked for a $500 loan. At first, the bank turned her down because she had no credit history. She countered that she couldn’t develop a credit history without a loan and refused to leave the bank.



“I think they just got tired of me,” she said, “so they loaned me the money.”



With that money, Garcia ordered supplies and furniture for a school in the Sugar House area. After several moves — and brief hiatus in 1981 when she returned to El Salvador to open a school, only to have war break out — her Sunrise Montessori school reached its current location in Bountiful. It has operated there for 18 years.



As a mother, educator and director of Sunrise, she is a disciple of Montessori-style teaching.



“The learning comes from within, it develops like a flower,” she said. “You cannot pull the petals from a flower. You have to let them grow.”



Trinitie Thain, 8, is a huge fan of Garcia.



“We learn in a fun way,” she said. “We learn in circle and we play games.”



Camille Walker attended Sunrise Montessori when she was a child, spending her kindergarten and first-grade years there. Now that she is a mother, her 4-year-old son, Jackson, is following in her footsteps.



“Teacher Marta made everything exciting,” Walker said. “She is exactly the same now as she was then. When I left Sunrise and went to public school, I was head and shoulders above the other kids academically. But I never felt like I was learning. I always felt like we were playing. Marta is so insightful.”



Garcia has had a half-dozen of her former students come back to teach. She also has had a sprinkling of second- and third-generation children come to her school as students.



“Sometimes the parents are looking for me and they are surprised to find out I am still teaching,” she said. “A grandmother of one of my students said ‘Here we are again.’ ”



So when does Garcia plan to quit? She doesn’t.



“I will teach until I die,” she said.



closeup@sltrib.com





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

© 2012 The Salt Lake Tribune

Montessori teacher: Four decades and going strong

By Carol Lindsay



Special to The Tribune

How did I come to be your baby?

Sunday we stayed home and were having a low key day. Sean helped me make noodles and cookies and he helped Don fix the furnace. Later in the afternoon Sean and I were lying on the bed and Sean asked "how did I come to be your baby?" Wow, where did that come from? I'd never really thought about how to answer that question so I decided I'd just go with an abbreviated version of the facts. I said "your mommy Jenny had three babies, Kylie, Brie and you. You all wore diapers and had bottles and you all cried a lot. Mommy Jenny was very tired and stressed and she said aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  Carol will you help me and take care of  Sean? I said yes I would love to take care of Sean and that's how I came to be your mommy and you came to be my baby." Sean really liked that especially the aghhhhhhhhh part. He asked me to tell the story a couple of times then he asked me to tell it a different way so I told him I bought him at Walmart. He thought that was funny and yelled no and asked me to tell it the real way. He wanted a couple more versions so I told him I found him in a box next to the road and that someone left him on my doorstep. He thought it all very funny but liked the "real" story the best. The only strange thing was at one point he said "what about the other kids?" I asked him what kids and he said the ones besides Kylie and Brie. I don't know what kids he was talking about if he was talking about my kids and Don's or Ryder. I just said there aren't any other kids in that story and he dropped it. The "other" kids are a whole other story for a later date.

Last night we had a hard night becasue Sean was sick and on oxygen. I was laying next to him holding the oxygen on his chest because he doesn't like it in his nose. At about 4 am he woke up and asked "do the girls at my school have penises?" I said "no, girls don't have penises." He then went back to sleep. Strange question to wake up with in the middle of the night. I wonder what he was dreaming.

Sean's sick (again). Yesterday we made a car out of a cardboard box to amuse him. It's pretty lame but it took us the better part of the day waiting for spray paint to dry then after it was done Sean didn't like it because he couldn't sit in it and drive. Good grief he has high expectations for a cardboard box. He did like when Alika put it on.

Capturing the entire 60 seconds of car use.

Sean has really been into his trains again lately and will spend hours playing with them.